Susan DeLorenzo: Inspiring Lessons from a Two-Time Breast Cancer Survivor

Bettina M Brown: Hello, hello, and welcome to In the Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina Brown, and this is the platform I've chosen to talk about living a life that's in alignment with your hopes, your dreams, and your goals. Basically your vision and turning your back on that shame and blame game, that does nothing for us.

It doesn't move our needle in the right direction. And my guest today is the prime example of someone who left behind the shame, blame and the desperation and the sadness, and really had an experience that made me even think, are you kidding me? That really did happen to you. But she's turned it around and she has used that experience to provide hope and love, and share gratitude and kindness out in the world.

And so, I welcome you to my podcast in The Rising Today. Susan de Lorenzo, I am so happy to speak with you this evening. Pre-dinner, post dinner- depending on our time zone, but thank you so much for your time today. Thank you, Bettina. It's so good to be with you. So, I have learned more about you.

I've been to your website, I've read about you, but. There is something about your story that really resonates, with me and it, it sounds like you have gone through a major life event, and I'd like you to share what that life event was.

[00:01:39] Susan DeLorenzo: I'd be happy to it. It's funny because it's been some time now, but it, it changed my life.

It changed the whole trajectory of my life. I was diagnosed with, uh, invasive breast cancer, but if I were to back up a few months before that, I just had. A little cancer. I found that I had, um, what were called calcifications in my left breast and had a lumpectomy, clean margins, which means I got all the cancer and I, I just thought, oh, that was weird.

What a little blip that was and I went for a follow up appointment. It was with a radiation oncologist and I already had it in my head. I'm not going to need any radiation. It was just a little cancer. They got it all and she agreed with me and then, um, asked if I would mind having a, a breast examination done with the medical student in the room.

And we went through the whole thing, and she got to my other breast I, I had the surgery in my left breast for the little cancer, and she palpated my right breast and stopped and looked at me and asked, has anybody talked to you about the lump in your right breast? and I, you know, time just freezes there because I just thought, “well, I, I dodged a bullet.”

I'm fine. Now, where was I? I was leading a really, um, frenetic life. I, I was a, um, a full-time working mother and wife and owner of this old house,  So it was like a, always something. It was just, I used to say there was never enough of me to go around mm-hmm. that I was just spread so thin and I never. I, I did so little for myself.

I was just always in, in service to the child. I love to the house, to my husband, to this job where I had, I was an administrative assistant. I had four bosses in the sales department. I took, uh, an hour ride, train, ride, uh, into Boston from my home in Mansfield in Massachusetts, and I was tired and I just thought, you know, that's the way it goes, Susan.

You did the best you could. You made your bed. Now you got to lie in it as if I had no other choice, as if I had just almost had this assignment given to me as my life. So here I am, I am faced with having, um, a surgery, another surgery actually. And it was, um, a lumpectomy. The surgeon came back and said it was worry.

So, I already kind of knew it wasn't going to be great news, but I mentally couldn't handle it. So, I would just tell myself, oh, it's probably just this, it's definitely, uh, the same as what I had in my left breast. It's just more obvious. I just could only handle so much. So that's what I told myself. And, um, so I ended up down the road having to have a mastectomy.

I had two more surgeries and it, they couldn't, it, it wouldn't have been worth it. And it turned out that there. With a mastectomy, like three more centimeters of a tumor in there. So, it really was the right move. Mm-hmm. and I went on to have chemotherapy and radiation and following that, um, I. Was finally getting my libido back.

I know that's something, you know, people talk about, you know, chemo brain and everything else, and you're, you know, in a little fog most of the time and not feeling well. So, I was excited after I was told I was cancer free. The, the chemo stuff's getting outta my system and I'm moved to make a, um, you know, kiss my husband on the couch one night and he says that's enough.

And I was like very, um, surprised, but not surprised. I knew there were signs of problems in the marriage all along, but I again, couldn't deal with it. I just kept myself running like a wheel, like a rat on a wheel and anything that was a problem I just wanted to run away from. 

And he went on to tell me that, you know, he just wanted to live alone. He did not want to be, um, a husband anymore. He wanted to be a father to our son. We had an 18-month-old child. And I just remember going up to the bathroom and yelling up to God. Do you think I could just have a year off? I was so, Not ready for this one, two punch.

You know, I was, I had just been through. A year of surgeries, chemo, radiation, a lot of fear. Um, and then this, and yet I knew because I had come through cancer and it come on on the other side, feeling grateful for my life. that this wasn't going to be so bad. I know that sounds, I didn't want it. I didn't, you know, but there was some perspective here come, you know, here's losing, you know, a marriage, here's losing your life.

So, I had some sense of, um, okay, I don't want this, but I'm gonna be okay. And it took a lot of. , uh, for me to actually get to that point where I was seeing, hey, I was in a codependent marriage. I grew up as the daughter of a parent with depression, and that's what I married, and I just inserted myself like a puzzle piece.

Like, oh, I know how to do this, and it's so unconscious. We do this in so many parts of our lives. If we take a look. And this was my time to find out what my role was in this relationship so that I never had to do it again. Mm-hmm. so much came out of this where I finally began to treat myself with, um, Real care, real regard.

And I finally got it that I only get to be Susan de Lorenzo this one time. Mm-hmm. , even if you believe in reincarnation. Right. I only get to be this person. Yeah. One time. And so, um, I wanted to give her a really good ride. I, I was done, uh, saying, oh, well you did the best you could and not taking any ownership of my life and the choices I was gonna make going forward.

[00:08:55] Bettina M Brown: You said a lot of powerful things in that, that statement, uh, first of all is that you have spent a lot of your life being in service to other people and. There is in service of others and then there's in service of others, where there is nothing to you that you have no importance and then there's just doing things that you love to help others.

Right. But there has to be a balance and often we will swing one way or another. Did you observe a lot of this in service to others as well growing up? Is that another puzzle piece you felt that was just something you. 

[00:09:34] Susan DeLorenzo: I had to, yeah, I, I look back at my childhood and I think a lot of us do have them, where you have to obey and please your parents, your parents have expectations for you.

Um, teachers have expectations for you. Um, clubs you join, anything, you know, there's a certain way of. Making it. Okay. And when, uh, I was growing up with my mother who had depression, you never know. You never knew who you were getting from day to day. You know, she was funny, she was fun, she was beautiful.

And I, and, and I loved that person. But some days you got the dark, the really unhappy, angry, or what, and you never knew. And I took. Full responsibility for whether or not she was happy. Mm-hmm. and, um, tried to stay out of the way if she wasn't, tried not to make anything worse. So, it was this whole, um, I guess you would say survival mode.

But, um, I was pretty, I thought I was pretty good at it, you know, and when I wasn't, I blamed myself. 

[00:10:54] Bettina M Brown: and you also mentioned. You went up to the bathroom. It's like, can I have a break? And, and many of the discussions I have with, with people and it, I'm gonna be honest, I was also in, same said bathroom, just, I don't know what it is about bathroom that we can really just let it all be out free, maybe because that is where the shower is and we are most vulnerable.

Um, but you know, where did it go from? Or was it instantaneous that you knew I am going to make it because I've come this far? Or was that a process for you as well? Or was the process the cancer journey? 

[00:11:35] Susan DeLorenzo: No, it was a process. There was like a part two process. I certainly went through a process with cancer treatment, but this was getting into what do I want from my life going forward?

This is. being set free from something that wasn't healthy for either of us. Um, I didn't think, and there was a moment. Where I had to give up control, uh, I had to do it with cancer and now I had to do it with this marriage and, and say, I'm not driving the bus on this one. And there was a moment I went in, there was a church, um, across the street from where I worked, and I went in and I just sat at the back of this big church.

and I was just crying and I opened up a hymnal. I used to love, I used to sing in the church choir. I was, that was probably my favorite part about church. And um, I opened up, To this hymn so randomly, and it was all about, and I'm not gonna get all the words right, but it was like, if you but trust in God to guide you, guide the he'll, see you through your darkest hour, he'll give you peace.

What air, bat tied the, and I mean, so here's this message coming to me. Mm-hmm. and it really hit my heart and it. That everything, you know, like light came through and hit me on the head or anything, but something happened that it was like, you're gonna be okay. You know? It doesn't mean, you know, it's gonna be just, you know, super easy.

But yeah, you're gonna be okay. I've got you and you've got me. And it's not that. I'm a super religious person, but I do have a faith. Mm-hmm. , I do. And, and that really did anchor me during cancer and, and it was just kind of the reminder of, okay, y pick this up again and use it and use it for the rest of your life.

Don't ever have to live in doubt, in fear. You're all, you know, I really do believe when I look back on my life, I've never fallen in a hole. Have I gotten myself into a few pieces of trouble? Yes. But never, like in the abyss. Mm-hmm. 

[00:13:58] Bettina M Brown: I read about you and it said, you described it what that time of your life, like a hurricane going through your life, clearing it out, um, I have a little quote by my bed.

Sometimes, uh, God calms the storm and sometimes God calms the sailor in that some of these storms of life happen. But there can be some benefits. I mean, we, not always, there's some horrific things that happen, but sometimes in the upheaval, you come across to the other side that you have to kind of be forced to.

What do you feel like you've received from going through this h? . 

[00:14:37] Susan DeLorenzo: You know, I have to tell you, that reminds me of a phrase I use that I thought the universe was kicking my butt, but it turns out it was cleaning my houseSo, sounds kind of similar. Um, so ask the question again cause I wanna make sure I address it right?

[00:15:00] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. What do you feel? Now that you've been through that hurricane that you gained on the other side, 

[00:15:07] Susan DeLorenzo: clarity I was in, uh, I was telling myself a story to survive, but it wasn't the true story. And so, when everything got whipped up and was completely disorienting at the time, everything was laid bare before.

At the end of cancer, and especially at the end of the revelation, my made at the time left me and I used, um, to say that cancer lifts a veil. That it does let lay everything bare in front of you if you're looking. Some people try to go back and create what they used to have. I really couldn't do that, and so it just kind of cleared this.

Life I used to have, I certainly still had the same job, but then I had the chance to elevate my life. I had a new awareness, I had a new understanding of what I wanted. I didn't wanna go back and recreate, um, things that were so unhealthy for me. And, um, really as an example for, um, the young son I had at the time.

That awareness led me to say, I'm gonna treat this life with reverence and I'm gonna have fun. I didn't have a lot of fun.  I'm gonna have rich relationships that are meaningful to me. I'm gonna give to myself and I'm gonna be grateful. Mm-hmm. 

[00:16:52] Bettina M Brown: and, and gratefulness. Gratitude is so important because when we focus on the negative and, and there's sometimes a lot of negative that, but even in a better time of life, there's still bad things happening to someone.

Right. That right. Empathetic too. But being in that place of gratitude can change your entire experience. And so, you also mentioned that you went on. Um, learned a lot more about coaching and had your own reiki experience. Share how you went into some other avenues. 

[00:17:30] Susan DeLorenzo: Yes. Um, in terms of, um, cancer treatment, acupuncture, and reiki, along with meditation and journaling, made it so that I had another outlet and.

A form of, I wanna say having a. In my treatment and my mindset and you, I also use visualization. So all of these things, I didn't just have to wait to see what a doctor would say for me, you know, or what. Was my next medical appointment or chemotherapy. I was supporting myself with acupuncture, which moves the toxins through your body, which helps with nausea, which helps boost your immune system.

The reiki, I was, um, able to, um, I would have it the night of the chemo treatment, so I'd have chemo that day. The night my, uh, two Reiki practitioners would come to my house. They'd bring a table and. By the end of the hour, I would be asleep on that table without taking any drugs and, and they would just kind of haul me up to bed and I'd go to sleep.

And that was amazing to me, um, to have that kind of experience. And it showed me, that it's so worth exploring how we can support ourselves. Mm-hmm. , uh, and in work in conjunction or have other options depending on how you're feeling. Called to explore it. Yeah. and 

[00:19:13] Bettina M Brown: that's the way you worded that is really, um, amazing.

[00:19:19] Susan DeLorenzo: And now you are also a coach, are you? Yes. And that did not happen right away. I hung on to my job for quite some time as a single mom. I just did not feel, you know, I was bored outta my mind in that job. But I, also thought, I've got benefits. I know what my paycheck is. You know, it was the devil, you know?

No offense to the job, they were lovely people, but that's just a phrase I'm using. Nobody was a devil. Um, but yes. So that was the double I knew. And it wasn't until I was laid off from a job that I finally said, okay, I got a little severance. What can I do, um, that I would love and feel like?

This would be more, um, my thing. And even then, um, I came across some a Facebook ad that said, would you like to be a speaker, a teacher, a coach? And I, yeah. And I clicked on it. And this woman, her name is Mary Morrisy, said, So many things that I had come to learn, especially through my cancer journey, which is that, you know, we are the builders of our lives.

The mind is the builder and the choices we make are the builders. And so I was nodding, just, um, along with everything she was saying, I'm like, this is in, in alignment already with how I think about life. Yeah. And I ended. Making an appointment and talking to somebody about signing up, and the price was scary.

And here I'm on a severance. I'm a single mom, and yet I made myself do it. And my, I wanted to throw up. My knees were knocking and I. Sat back down after I gave her my credit card, hung up the phone and this piece came over me and I thought, oh my gosh, I think I just did the right thing. 

[00:21:24] Bettina M Brown: That's amazing.

And so now you're coaching share more about how people can learn for, you know, learn from Yes. And contact you. 

[00:21:31] Susan DeLorenzo: Yeah. All that. Yes. So I love coaching women who are coming out of life changing adversity, especially when they've had some time for some reflection and know, um, what they'd love to change up.

Maybe they have a little more self-awareness. And if you go to my website, Susan de lorenzo.com, S u s A n d e L o r e n z o.com, you can learn more about me there or you can email me at susan susan de lorenzo.com. I also post on, um, my Facebook page. It's facebook.com/dream coach Susan, so you can always get a little tidbit of me there too.

[00:22:14] Bettina M Brown: Final question for us. What is still on the horizon for Susan? What is, what are you still 

[00:22:20] Susan DeLorenzo: rising up to? Wow. Um, two things and one has been. Years in the making. I'm, you know, almost embarrassed to say it, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel with this book I'm working on called Pulling the Gems from Adversity, which is, you know, my pet project is learning from adversity and using what you learn to elevate your life with it.

So that's number one. And then the second is, um, working on a podcast that, um, really will go deeper than adversity. The name of it is called The Soul of Plenty. It's coming out in January. And that is more about how you and I, all of us, are fully resourced for at a soul level and many of us have been trained away from that.

Conditioned away from that. And what if we could get all of that back again? So I'll be having different guests on that. We're gonna be calling about different parts of what we're resourced with. Yeah. 

[00:23:21] Bettina M Brown: I love that because everything you need, you have, you're just not maybe aware of how to pull that out.

Um, and sometimes events have to unveil the door. , yes, not always a nice, um, event, but, um, to know that you have all you need in one way or another is, um, a comforting feeling. 

[00:23:43] Susan DeLorenzo: Um, be. Have you heard the phrase? It's an acronym I learned in a meditation group years ago. Afco, A F G O I have not. I will clean it up for the podcast, but it's another effing growth opportunity.

Okay. Right? Yes, yes. 

[00:24:05] Bettina M Brown: Yes. . I like, I had one of those today, 

[00:24:10] Susan DeLorenzo: Yeah. See, at least it makes you laugh, but you're like, yeah. Yep. I know what that is.  I do. I do. 

[00:24:18] Bettina M Brown: Susan, I have just had a really great conversation with you. I enjoyed our conversation. I enjoyed the piece that you obviously. Because it comes through Zoom and two time zones.

Um, and so I'm really excited for you and I'm actually very proud of you as well for all that you've done and you continue to be in service yet not forgetting to serve yourself. So this 20 minute conversation that I had with Susan really made me take pause and just in her voice and the way she just exudes confidence and peace.

With pretty traumatic events in her life is extraordinary. And just that itself is an inspiration and I think a glimmer of hope that no matter what you're going through, there is another side to it. And usually getting to that other side means pounding your way right through it, but you will get. There and Susan is now taking this opportunity to share her own story and help inspire others to get to that other side, especially when it comes to the story of cancer, because that is a tough thing to go through, and very scary, very isolating.

And then to lose your partner throughout it is even more isolating. But her story of hope and inspiration is great, and I hope that you share this story with anyone that you feel would benefit from listening. And it is also my ask that you leave a really heartfelt, true review of this podcast as well because it helps expand this general topic of in the rising to the hands and ears of those that need it the most.

Thank you so much for your time because it's that one thing we do not get back. And until next time, let's keep building one another up!