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March 14, 2023

Healing from Childhood Trauma: Key Strategies for Building Healthy Relationship Skills -Riana Milne

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Healing from Childhood Trauma: Key Strategies for Building Healthy Relationship Skills -Riana Milne
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BETTINA M. BROWN/ RIANA MILNE
EPISODE: 188

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In a recent episode of the "In the Rising" podcast, host Bettina M. Brown interviewed Riana Milne, a certified global life and love trauma recovery coach. The conversation revolved around the impact of childhood trauma on our adult relationships and the strategies to heal and build healthier relationship skills.

Riana shared her insights and expertise as a psychotherapist and discussed the connection between childhood and love trauma. Riana also discussed how her own adverse childhood experiences transformed her adult life. Since the effects of childhood trauma can affect the daily lives of individuals and create emotional pain in adult relationships, she decided to pursue a Master’s Degree in Applied Clinical and Counseling Psychology.

She then went on to become a relationship coach, looking to be a mental health professional who looks to address the significant impact of these traumatic events to build a healing journey and improve romantic relationships.

In a recent episode of the "In the Rising" podcast, host Bettina M. Brown interviewed Riana Milne, a certified global life and love trauma recovery coach. The conversation revolved around the impact of childhood trauma on our adult relationships and the strategies to heal and build healthier relationship skills.

Riana shared her insights and expertise as a psychotherapist and discussed the connection between childhood and love trauma. Riana also discussed how her own adverse childhood experiences transformed her adult life. Since the effects of childhood trauma can affect the daily lives of individuals and create emotional pain in adult relationships, she decided to pursue a Master’s Degree in Applied Clinical and Counseling Psychology.

She then went on to become a relationship coach, looking to be a mental health professional who looks to address the significant impact of these traumatic events to build a healing journey and improve romantic relationships.

Understanding Love Trauma:

Love trauma, as Riana explained, stems from unresolved types of childhood trauma. Upon delving into her own personal experiences and conducting research, Riana discovered that the top 10 childhood traumas are prevalent in 90% of individuals. However, in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, it is now believed that 100% of us have experienced unresolved childhood trauma.

The Brain's Desire for Homeostasis:

Riana touched upon the brain's affinity for familiarity, even if it means staying in a negative or harmful environment. This desire for homeostasis often leads individuals to seek partners replicating their primary caregivers' qualities. It is what we commonly refer to as 'chemistry.' Riana emphasized the importance of conscious dating, where individuals actively assess their compatibility and make informed decisions rather than relying solely on unconscious attractions.

Healing Childhood Trauma:


As a certified trauma recovery coach, Riana's primary focus is to help individuals heal their childhood traumas. By addressing these traumas, individuals can work towards building healthier relationship skills. Riana stressed the significance of introspection and self-awareness in this process. Recognizing and understanding the impact of childhood trauma is the first step toward healing.


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Transcript

Healing from Childhood Trauma: Key Strategies for Building Healthy Relationship Skills

[00:00:00] Bettina M Brown: Hello, hello, and welcome to In the Rising podcast. My name is Bettina Brown. I'm your host and I am a physical therapist, owner of fitafterbreastcancer. com, as well as a Christian life coach. And I'm really excited that you made the decision to rise up today and create the life that you want to live every single area of our life, whether it be financial, emotional, our relationships and our health is an important part of that journey as a physical therapist.

[00:00:38] Bettina M Brown: I worked exclusively for several years with people going through a certain type of cancer, and I kept hearing that same statement of regret, not living the life that you want to live. Is what regret feels like, but Bettina, and I don't feel that we have to have anything to regret, or at least we can make a change to regret less in life.

[00:00:59] Bettina M Brown: We can make those changes and live the life that we want to live starting today. And it is my hope and goal that this podcast helps you on that journey. Our relationships are a very important part of our life. And. Sometimes we carry the burdens, the experiences, whether consciously or unconsciously of our childhood, right into our adulthood.

[00:01:22] Bettina M Brown: And yet we know we want to have stronger foundations and better relationship. My guest today is Rihanna Milne, and she is just a wealth of knowledge and has dedicated her purpose in life to helping others move forward. Well, good morning, Rihanna. Happy, happy Tuesday to you. We're talking on a Tuesday morning.

[00:01:42] Bettina M Brown: So thank you for being part of in the rising podcast. Good morning. 

[00:01:46] Riana Milne: Good morning, everyone. 

[00:01:48] Bettina M Brown: So I am, you know, I'm really excited to speak to you because you have  topics of interest to my listeners, but topic of interest to me personally, right? Okay. You are a certified global life and love trauma recovery coach.

[00:02:05] Bettina M Brown: And we could stop right there. Love and trauma. How many people do we know that that is a stud like it stops them from moving forward, either in a personal relationship as an intimate relationship or just in a family? Type and the trauma that it holds them back. So that's amazing. 

[00:02:25] Riana Milne: What you do. Thank you.

[00:02:26] Riana Milne: Thank you. Yeah. I mean, love trauma is a direct result from childhood trauma. That's not healed and in when I started doing my research on childhood trauma and 2011, 2012, 2012, I had gone through a love trauma and I am a psychotherapist as well, licensed mental health counselor. So I went to 7 counseling friends.

[00:02:49] Riana Milne: What does he have that made him act out? So impulsively, you know, because I'm going through the DSM for, which is our little. You know, diagnostic manual and nothing that he had or signs that he had was in there. So, I, that's what led me to my research and my number one bestselling book, love beyond your dreams.

[00:03:09] Riana Milne: And it was came down to childhood trauma. And some people would have known of maybe attachment styles, but this was digging a lot deeper. The research and I identified at that time, the top 10 childhood traumas that 90 percent of people could identify that they had one to three on my list. But as of 2021, since COVID, they're saying 100 percent of us have childhood trauma.

[00:03:36] Riana Milne: So what is happening is the brain likes homeostasis. Which means it likes what it knows, even if it's good or bad for you, it would consider it normal. So, it likes to keep you in that state of normalization. So, if you grew up and you're a female, you grew up with a very angry, irritated father, you might be attracted.

[00:04:00] Riana Milne: To that type of male and you know, that's what we call chemistry. So, unfortunately people only knew from our romance novels and our books fall in love because you're feeling this pitter patter of chemistry. And that's what we call unconscious dating. You're just going with, Oh, it feels good. Instead of really thinking about, is this the right partner asking the right question, which we call conscious dating.

[00:04:25] Riana Milne: So that's what I do as a coach. I heal the childhood trauma and then the love trauma. Cause most people come to me after experiencing not only the traumatic abuse of marriage and then the next boyfriend's similar and then the next one, and it's like, wait a minute, why do I keep doing this? You know, because after each relationship, the read 100 self-help books and dating books and relationship books, it's like, I know I'm going to get it different this time and then they don't, it's like, why am I attracting the same kind of person?

[00:04:54] Riana Milne: Yeah, so this is what we call our RS relationship repetition syndrome. There's actually a term for it. Oh, you know, going back to the same type of person or consciously knowing your partner is not good for you, but you keep going back anyway, like after. The sweet spot seven to 10 days, you return back thinking it's going to be better, you know, or he's sorry and he really loves me, but you keep going back.

[00:05:19] Riana Milne: And then the trauma just keeps getting worse and worse as a self esteem and confidence keeps going down and down. Yeah. Yeah. It's really important to get out of the cycle. And, and, you know, 

[00:05:30] Bettina M Brown: I have done the same thing myself for, for sure. And it does take some time to self-evaluate that. And I think it also helps to hear it from someone else outside of you, what they're seeing.

[00:05:43] Bettina M Brown: Because it, right, it's, it's hard to see the wine bottle from the label from inside and read it correctly, where someone outside can read that for sure. 

[00:05:53] Riana Milne: The important thing is 1st, I came up with this own saying when I was going through the process of my research and learning what I had to learn. Then I was healing myself and I was healing all of my clients.

[00:06:03] Riana Milne: I'm like, oh, my gosh, all my clients here this and I have a triple masters in psychology. Right? We did not hear once the term childhood trauma. Oh, so I developed a childhood trauma checklist for my clients to so I could identify what they went through as kids and then I knew what they're going through as adults and why they're attracting who into their life, right?

[00:06:25] Riana Milne: So it just made so much more sense to them to identify, then I could put the puzzle pieces together. So, it really begins with identifying the top 10 traumas. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:06:36] Bettina M Brown: And you, you know, you've done a lot of research. Obviously, this is a topic triple master. You don't do that because you're bored. You know, there's obviously, there's obviously some pull in there to help you help other people.

[00:06:51] Bettina M Brown: Where did you, where did that really come from you? Was that just always an interest or was that something that was just relatable and you wanted to 

[00:06:58] Riana Milne: help? No, no. When I was 16 years old, I knew exactly where it came from. My very best childhood friend died. He was killed by a drunk driver, and it was a huge loss for me.

[00:07:09] Riana Milne: It was the first death I really experienced, and I asked my mom if I could go to a counselor because to help deal with the grief and the loss. And she said, no one in this family will ever go to a counselor. And I said, then I'll become one. So that's where it came from. And you know, that's why I'm also a drug and alcohol addictions counselor in Michael's name.

[00:07:28] Riana Milne: And then at 23, I lost my second best friend. That was my Penn state roommate for three years, and she was murdered by her boyfriend. So in her name, I went to into one of my internships was at a domestic violence shelter. So, you know, I was seeing the repercussions of all this love trauma going on and that the woman kept wanting to go back and they couldn't see their way clear to move forward.

[00:07:55] Riana Milne: And I was like, well, you've been through trauma, you know, and there is no love trauma. Like I said, in the DSM 4, there's no childhood trauma in there. And I think that's a huge miss. So, and I also love the coaching profession. So I am a global coach. As a therapist, you can only work in your state as a coach, you can work internationally.

[00:08:14] Riana Milne: So I became also a CCTP certified clinical trauma professional, and that's where, you know, my specialty comes in and healing the trauma of both entities, childhood and love trauma. And getting people unstuck and moving forward, there's a lot of fear based negative thinking when you've been emotionally traumatized, either from childhood or from love trauma.

[00:08:36] Riana Milne: But if you'd like, I'll go into some of the top 10 traumas. So, do I have this? Do I not have this? You know, I do want to understand. Okay. All 

[00:08:47] Bettina M Brown: right. And I want to say to that 1 thing that. All right. What I see, cause I'm in healthcare, I'm a physical therapist and I actually worked with a lot of women who had breast cancer and learned how stress can affect the body in a physical way.

[00:09:04] Bettina M Brown: And so, I think it's also important. It's not just your emotions. I had one client who said she went back 26 times and I thought, well, how did you measure it? And she counted it by years, 26 years of going back to this trauma. And I will never forget. And this is why I became a life coach as well, because I, I was listening and listening, but I can only do physical therapy in those sessions, right?

[00:09:26] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. How many of my clients talked about their trauma and from their own lips verbalized that these traumatic experiences and their stress and the stressors involved, they knew it in their soul and they knew it in their body that this had a direct link to their cancer.

[00:09:44] Riana Milne: Absolutely. And there is actually a map that I share with seven areas of where childhood trauma impacts people.

[00:09:52] Riana Milne: So briefly, it is physical health, like sleep disorders, eating disorders, poor immune function, like fibromyalgia, a team bar virus, which they call chronic fatigue, cardiovascular, early death. You know, that's just some of the physical things, irritable bowel syndrome, and then there's emotional, there's relationship, mental health issues, behavioral issues and brain development.

[00:10:16] Riana Milne: So I was also they're called a sack counselor, student assistance counselor. So, I worked in the. In the schools as the emotional trauma coach, our counselor, really. So it's very different than a guidance counselor that focuses on academics. I focused on the emotional. So, I did that at every grade level, kindergarten, all the way through college.

[00:10:36] Riana Milne: I was a sack counselor. So, I saw firsthand what it was doing to our kids and they're all thrown on ADHD medicine. I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute, this child's coming from a traumatic home. So, I was doing methods that weren't even heard of kind of woo woo, like meditation, you know, music therapy. One of my favorites was them listening to Louis Magal.

[00:10:56] Riana Milne: And I don't speak Spanish, but the music and the melody just calm them right down. And, you know, these, my elementary kids, and I'd send them back to the classroom after meditation and some Louis music, they'd say, Ms. Rihanna, put on Mr. Louis today. I said, “Don’t you have a bad morning? What happened? You know, so that's how we would calm down the brain and the body.”

[00:11:18] Riana Milne: Because when the body's upset, cortisol goes up and memory goes down. So they have learning issues because they're so hyped up. Right? So that's what I was doing a lot of it with my kids is like, and then having them learn to talk about it without fear, you know, so really interesting work. So, I've been doing it like 23 years.

[00:11:41] Riana Milne: Yeah. So many different capacities. 

[00:11:44] Bettina M Brown: And, and I like that you talked about that. It affects you at all different levels. And, and like you said that your mom said people in this family don't go to counseling. That, that was a very prominent belief. 

[00:11:55] Riana Milne: For a very long time. Yeah, I'm a baby boomer. Yeah. Yeah. You don't admit there’s a problem.

[00:12:01] Bettina M Brown: And then when you have a problem, you don't deal with it. Right?

[00:12:03] Riana Milne: Right. And, you know, I worked in a mental health ward in a hospital as well in the kids unit from age 5 through 19. So, I really want to share with parents. If you're seeing signs in your kids, don't think it's just a phase, or it will just go away.

[00:12:20] Riana Milne: It's really important that they have someone they can talk to someone that they relate to, though, that's kind of heavy. And, you know, back in my elementary school, my daughter was singing with a top pop artist, you know, so they liked that and, you know, they felt they could relate to me. So I work now with those 16 and up by the Internet, you know, so I can work with anybody 16 and over, but I mean, some of the signs they should work with is eating disorders, cutting, definitely isolation in their room.

[00:12:47] Riana Milne: There's either the internalizers that are more quiet and private. Or the externalizers that might be running away or, you know, smoking pot every day or, you know, risky relationships. So just look for the signs that your children are not happy and don't take it personally. Life is hard out there. Our society is really hard for kids to navigate and there's so much going on in the schools to feel loved or popular or have friends.

[00:13:16] Riana Milne: That's usually the base of a lot of it, you know, so do get them help if you see signs of it. Yeah, 

[00:13:22] Bettina M Brown: and it is important because when you, it may take a long time to go through those things and it's not, and I love how you said, don't take it personally because I think a lot of parents do. Well, I did the best I could and don't they understand?

[00:13:35] Bettina M Brown: It has nothing to do with you sometimes. 

[00:13:37] Riana Milne: Well, it is proven that childhood trauma goes through 3 generations. So I know when I have a client in front of me that their parents also went through some hard times and so did the grandparents. Yes. It's also known that it changes the d n a. Mm-hmm. They did a huge study with Holocaust survival of the lineage.

[00:13:54] Riana Milne: Yeah. And it goes to at least three generations where the third generation has higher anxiety and more fear-based thinking, and, you know, more feelings of lack of security. You know, so, and that is all DNA expression. So it's a really important topic and I, I mean, I love teaching it. This is my purpose.

[00:14:26] Riana Milne: Let's go into those 10 traumas. What do you think? I love it. Let's go. Okay. All right. So first of all, I just want to say this is not about shame and blame, not about feeling bad about yourself. It's Or blaming your parents. So it's more about just being really open and honest and say, huh, did I experience that?

[00:14:42] Riana Milne: Cause again, childhood trauma is never our fault. We were just a product of our environments. And I say environments, plural, because your home life could have been amazing, but you were bullied at school every day. Right? So it's really the, the whole childhood experience. Okay. So the first one is any addictive behavior in the family.

[00:15:02] Riana Milne: So, we're talking drugs, alcohol, sex, so you knew your parent was a cheater, porn, gambling, hoarding, spending, eating, gaming, TV watching, workaholism, and social media. I add that if someone's on their computer or phones all the time and just ignoring the kids. Okay, so that is that number 1. Number 2 is verbal messaging.

[00:15:26] Riana Milne: So, did you hear the words? I love you. Did you hear a lot of compliments? And in my cohort, so many of my cohorts did not hear the words. I love you. I did not either. I made sure I did with my kids because I felt so important to me. But, you know, did instead, was it always like this isn't good enough?

[00:15:46] Riana Milne: You're not measuring up. You can do better even when you did your best. Oh, you can do better. Or did you also met witness domestic violence and the yelling screaming of your parents and that's how they handled an issue? Okay, so all verbal messaging. Number three is emotional abuse and neglect, and they even said that 9 to 5 single mom that had to go to work to support their kids.

[00:16:08] Riana Milne: If the kids were last came, meaning they opened the doors themselves, let them themselves in for 2 hours to mom could get home back then. There really wasn't cell phones. So they're saying that fear of being alone in the house. You know, created high anxiety and some abandonment, even though those moms felt they were doing the best to support their kids.

[00:16:27] Riana Milne: Right? The research is really interesting. Okay. The next 1 is any physical abuse, rape or molestation inside or outside of the home. The next 1 is abandonment. So this trauma names 2 types, fault and no fault abandonment. So no fault abandonment would be if a parent happened to die early. If a parent had to travel a lot to support the family, so they were gone quite a bit and, if they serve their country in war and they had to go away, I saw so much separation anxiety in my elementary kids when their parents were serving at war. Like, is my dad going to come home? Like, you know, it's very scary feeling for, for little kids. Okay. The next one is if you live in another person's home, even it's like aunt or grandma's house, I couldn't keep you in your house.

[00:17:18] Riana Milne: Or if you were adopted or a part of the foster care system, the next one we call personal trauma. So this is if you didn't feel good enough for some reason, maybe you were chubby child and tease for that were skinny and gawky and felt like the nerd. You just didn't fit in, or you might have been the only African American at all.

[00:17:37] Riana Milne: Caucasian school coming out as an team, you know, will people love me? Will they accept me? Will my parents reject? You know, so all this coming into adulthood, you know, and do you fit in? So anytime you just didn't feel good enough or I'm not confident. The next one is sibling trauma. So if you know your sibling was the golden child, so maybe they were the star athlete or the pretty one or just the favorite.

[00:18:06] Riana Milne: You know, a lot of cultures, the son was always the favorite one, you know, with the daughters just grow up and get married kind of messages, you know, just shove you all up to get married. Okay. Next one would be it's two parts and number 11, I had to bring down into the top 10. When I was doing a lot of this research, this was not that prevalent.

[00:18:28] Riana Milne: Now it's one of the biggest one, which is called community trauma. So this is our school shootings, our mass shootings. Mother Nature events, floods, fire, hurricanes, that COVID that impacts our community at large, right? So that is like one of the top traumas today. And back in the day, I had that at number 11, so it had to be at the top 10.

[00:18:50] Riana Milne: So, I also tied that with family because family trauma would be like our military families in the U. S., they move every two to four years, which is putting the child as the new kid in school every time. It's families that grew up with lack or the lack messages, like we don't have enough, we may not buy groceries as much.

[00:19:10] Riana Milne: It's just too much. We can't pay our bills. Well, there's lack messages like, oh, my gosh, we're poor. You know, that's how I grew up. I mean, my mom didn't even have the heat on in Pennsylvania. It's like, mom, it's cold. She goes, you have blankets. And I had. A hat, mittens and socks on to go to sleep so it would be warm enough.

[00:19:28] Riana Milne: You know, I grew up thinking we were poor. So I had to really get rid of those messages for myself to excel in business. Yeah. Right. Because you have to invest in yourself to get to the next level of where you want to be. So you have to have the mindset that of abundance, not lack. Right. Okay. And then the last one is under mental health issue and mom and dad now my baby boomer generation our parents and go to counseling So you have to kind of guess but the two most difficult for children to grow up around is bipolar and borderline Personality disorder so borderline is fast trigger anger and real erratic mood So when they're good, they could be great.

[00:20:07] Riana Milne: But when they're bad, they can be horrid So, and the kid doesn't know which one they're going to get. So it's a very high anxiety child that grows up in that environment. And then the other one is bipolar, which is manic depressive. So a lot of people think manic is that high and happy phase. Well, it could be, but it's often tied to an addiction like spending or eating or gambling.

[00:20:29] Riana Milne: Okay. And depression can show up as anger checking out emotionally. You know, or just depressed feelings. So those are the top 10 traumas that and most people can identify 3 or 4 of them now versus 1 to 3 that they grew up 

[00:20:47] Bettina M Brown: with. Yeah, and definitely like, oh, yeah, that happened. And even if. It was all, like you said, unintentional.

[00:20:55] Bettina M Brown: The parent had to drive around to the family, but the parent was still not there. And it still has feelings that you may not even realize that that is playing a factor in your life and then affects later in life, like you mentioned with 

[00:21:10] Riana Milne: your business. Right, right. And fault abandonment. I may not have mentioned that one, but never being present in the child's life, being there until the couple breaks up, then you really saw your child or it's erratic.

[00:21:22] Riana Milne: And it also could be a parent in the house, but they're not emotionally attached, you know, they go from the office, eating dinner, then to the home office, or they just don't engage with the child. They don't go to the kids events, you know, that kind of thing. So. They are, but not emotionally connected.

[00:21:38] Riana Milne: So how does this show up in our love relationships? What's the correlations let's give a few examples. There's many, many, but this is just a few.

[00:21:56] Riana Milne: So, jealousy and control come from trauma seven, not feeling good enough or pretty enough, like, yeah, I think this person loves me, but. Maybe he's out doing something else, right? So that paranoid jealousy control blaming behavior, not being able to apologize. That's when you feel you have to be right.

[00:22:16] Riana Milne: You know, this perfectionism, everything has to be in order. So, this can perfectionism often comes from dealing with the, upsetting, difficult parent, like if I be the good little girl, daddy won't yell at me. So, people pleasing came, you know, as a way of, if I do everything right, then he'll love me. So ,I have couples coming in that say, you know, I do everything for my husband and my kids, but I get no love or gratitude back.

[00:22:44] Riana Milne: So the boundaries are so stretched. And then they just feel like they've lost themselves in their relationships. Like, I don't even know who I am. I just do for everyone else and me, nobody cares about me, you know? So that feeling came from those childhoods’ patterns. Impulsivity is maybe someone growing up with the lack messages and it's like, I want that shiny red sports car.

[00:23:05] Riana Milne: So, what if I go in debt or my wife might yell at me? I want it anyway. So, there's the impulses or the cheating. Spouse will fall under the impulse scale. I do all kinds of assessments in 1 hour and I can figure out what is going on there. Abandonment issues. When you've had those, it can lead to clinging this when they're away feeling, you know, like, this anxiety when your partner's gone, it also leads that R.

[00:23:31] Riana Milne: R. S. going back to the toxic partner over and over again codependency behavior and love addiction, which is that repetitively going back. A lot of addictions come from childhood trauma, certainly not all they can happen, you know, after a car accident and someone gets, you know, addicted to opioids or something like that, but also you're addicted to cheap drama when there's a lot of drama yelling in your house.

[00:23:56] Riana Milne: And you may be dating someone who's emotionally healthy and really a nice person. And then you hear someone say, well, but they're boring, you know? And it's like, that's because you're addicted to the cheap drama. And it's like, well, what do you mean? I said, was there a lot of yelling and fighting going on in your house?

[00:24:11] Riana Milne: Well, yeah. Well, that was their normal. Yeah. So, anyone who's emotionally healthy, they're going to feel bored with that partner. So, you know, it's really identifying the level. The one where there are the traumas to what is the severity level three, what's happened in their prior relationships and where are they are now.

[00:24:29] Riana Milne: And then I put all the puzzle pieces together and then help them heal and move forward. And I do singles, couples, straight, LGBTQ, women, men, 16 to 76. Wow. No prejudice. I 

[00:24:44] Bettina M Brown: was just going to say it doesn't have a boundary. Like it's like, yeah. That that's pretty much all of us fault or no fault. And I think that's important to, to emphasize, you know, someone's listening.

[00:24:56] Bettina M Brown: They're like, yes, yes, yes, I feel it. And I am willing because there are people that are not willing to make a change, right? It has to be there. They're fine with it is the cheap drama. That's all I know that I'm not really fine, but change is scary for a lot of us.

[00:25:08] Riana Milne: They don't feel they're going to make it or be able to do it.

[00:25:16] Riana Milne: So really it's important just to take the first step and realize that you can live on the other side of what I call the rainbow. You're at this point of, I don't know what I don't know. Like why do I attract these kinds of toxic people into my life? What is going on? And I say, my quote is, you can't change what you don't understand or acknowledge.

[00:25:34] Riana Milne: So the first is really saying, yeah, I've had these traumas, now what do I do with that? You know, and then we start the healing process, which is the learning curve, you know, and that's where all the researchers in the program that I help my clients heal. And then they get the dating and relationship information, how to date successfully.

[00:25:53] Riana Milne: I call it the art and psychology of dating successfully. 'cause there's really a lot to learn and great communication skills. Proper do's and don'ts of dating that we really didn't learn. You can read a whole bunch of books on it, but we're going deeper into the psychology and what are you looking for?

[00:26:10] Riana Milne: And date one or two, you'll know, this is a good person for me, or this is not a good person. And then you release them in love. You just move on. Someone goes shoe. It's like, thank you God for showing me. This is not my person next, you know? So, you don't take all that personally that goes on online. Some people are devastated.

[00:26:27] Riana Milne: I was chatting with this guy for three weeks and he goes to me. You know, it's like, okay, so next, you know what I mean? But you need the, the, that mindset, which we call the mindset for success to have that confidence and know it's also a spiritual philosophy, you know, that the law of attraction, when it's the right one, it will be easy, but the world is abundant, you know, I hear a lot of, Oh, all the good ones are taken.

[00:26:53] Riana Milne: And there's someone left. It's like wrong. There's a ton of great people left, you know, you're just not meeting them. Yeah. So, there's, there's skills to doing all this. 

[00:27:02] Bettina M Brown: Absolutely. Absolutely. And so someone's listening. They're like, I like Rihanna. I want to learn more about her. How can they find 

[00:27:09] Riana Milne: you? The best place to start is my website and simply my name, Rihanna Milne.

[00:27:15] Riana Milne: com and on there, you can get my free eBook, how to have the love you deserve. And it has this map of the childhood trauma. There you go. The childhood trauma map where it spends spells everything out and the childhood trauma checklist. So, start with that and has under the book section, the top the first 60 pages of my number 1 bestseller love beyond your dreams and live beyond your dreams are meant to go together.

[00:27:40] Riana Milne: What is about mindset? What is about emotionally healthy love? And they are meant to go together. And my podcast, Lessons in life and love with coach Rihanna Milne. I have over 115 shows and that's free for everyone. And then the four love tests. So if you're coming to my website, do the love tests, take the quizzes.

[00:27:58] Riana Milne: And if you want to dive deeper with me, there's an opportunity there at a great promotional rate to meet me for 90 minutes. And I will do the correlations for you between your childhood experiences and what's going on for you in love right now. 

[00:28:14] Bettina M Brown: So coming away from this podcast conversation, I felt like I just had been water hosed with textbook information, but given in such a way that I kind of want to go back for more and learn more.

[00:28:27] Bettina M Brown: And I found it really fascinating that a lot of our trauma really is generational. And the more research we do, the more we realize that we are still the product. of every generation ahead of us. And even though that makes sense genetically, we have not really thought about the emotional components and the relational components affecting us today.

[00:28:50] Bettina M Brown: And once you know it is, you can make a difference with that. And so I invite you to share this podcast today. If you know someone who would benefit from hearing this conversation, go ahead and share it. You never know what kind of difference you'll make with one quick share. I also invite you to leave a five star review.

[00:29:09] Bettina M Brown: It does so much for this podcast and it helps elevate it to a place where other people, whether we know them or not, can go ahead and hear this and make a difference in their life. Until next time, let's keep building one another up.