The Impact of Confidence on Long-Term Relationship Success

The Impact of Confidence on Long-Term Relationship Success


Hello. Hello again and welcome to In The Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina Brown and I am your host. This is the platform from which I talk to you about living a life that is, Free of blame, shame, regret. Basically stepping into your calling and into your purpose. Living a life that is full of joy, empowerment, and your.

Knowledge, like deep down core knowledge of your self-worth. So I start every episode by saying that I am not a licensed counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist, but I am a healthcare professional and a student of life and self-proclaimed nerd that I love to figure out what makes us tick and what can make our life more valuable.

To other people and more valuable to our own experience here while we're here. So today I wanted to talk about relationships. How are we, how are we able to, you know, we've worked on our self-love, we've. Focused on ourselves. We have addressed so many things. We know we have self-esteem. We feel it. We don't have to, you know, do the makeup or mascara therapy.

We are, we are solid with our self-esteem. And now after all this work, we are stepping into a new relationship and we're not quite sure how that's supposed to look. You know, most of us, unless we're 12, and meet our partner at 12 and stay together for the rest of our lives, which I know can happen. The majority of us have a past, have a past relationship, and clearly something happened cuz it's not your current relationship.

So there's some past experiences there. So I really put this as number one, my number one thing of how do you maintain your self-esteem and confidence when you're stepping into a new relationship? And that's to be present. Now being present does not mean we're ignoring our path. Like we've worked through all of these things.

We are, we're confident, we, we know our self-worth, we've adjusted our crown kings and queens, all of that. We are good to go, but we are in a relationship and when we're in a relationship with someone else, We can't control them. We can only control ourselves. And that puts us in a brand new place of vulnerability.

And when we're vulnerable, that's when all of our protective mechanisms come out, right? Our defense mechanisms, because we don't need to be heard again. But one of the mun MUN number one way is that we can really think about protecting ourselves is to go right back into that past. So staying present. Is a way to stop making our current partner pay the consequences of what people in our past have done, and sometimes even not paying the consequences for what we ourselves have done in our own past.

You know, we can always focus on who's been hurt, what's happened, but how does that affect our current relationship and what self-esteem. And confidence and closeness are we building when we're bringing in all of that from our past so we can acknowledge that with conversation, we can slowly bring someone in and we can express our insecurities and question our, you know, we're, we're a little bit slower to step into it, but.

Focusing only on the past is not gonna help your current relationship. It's not gonna help the present one. In fact, it may not be the very present one much longer. It is important to stay focused into the right. Now. The other thing is don't get off in the future either. I mean, things evolve. We gotta talk, you know, and you need to figure out, okay, I'm growing, I'm moving on, and my life is this person growing with me?

Uh, or, you know, I'm growing and this person isn't, and I'm gonna be truthful. Dead weight today is dead weight tomorrow. We can't hope and wish our way into changing what someone else's des desires for their life are. If they never have something that they're desiring to go after alone or with you. It's not gonna work.

It's not gonna work. So you want to look enough into your future to see how are you able to maintain your path, and also how is this person able to maintain their path and kind of parallel or side by side moving forward. Not one dragging another one down, but both helping each other propel forward. And all of that is done by evaluating.

What is happening right now? Because right now is the determinant of the future of your relationship and yourself, and let's face it, in order to have a whole person. And all of that confidence you have to bring your whole self into the equation. And I love the saying, you know, my other half, my better half, or, Hey, are you gonna bring the better half or your other half to the party and blah, blah, blah.

And that's really nice. But the reality is, if you are only bringing half into your relationship, or the other person's only bringing half into it, you're both getting shortchanged. So stay present and evaluate. Are you still aligned with where you are and what you're going and what you've achieved? The second thing right after be present is be clear.

Be clear with yourself and your goals Out of this relationship, are you wanting someone who needs a lot of time with you? Are you wanting to spend nearly every day, all day on the phone? Communicating or present with each other. Is that closeness, that physical closeness very important to you? Or are you more a person that you need that alone time and you need more space in your relationships?

You know, that's not the breakup factor. I need space. That's just the survival. Like I, I need space in order for me to feel comfortable. So that you have to be very clear with not only your. Your um, goals, but your intentions and when you are clear from with yourself and your partner from the get-go, there's a lot less clouds in that relationship and it's just more clarity and a lot less drama.

A lot less drama. I'm tired of all that drama. I bet a lot of you are tired of all that. Drama Number three is show compassion. So yes, we have this self-worth and we've worked so hard and, and I'm confident in my abilities and I'm confident in, in what I've achieved. But let's face it, your partner is human and so are you.

And every single one of us is every day we should be working on bringing our A game. And you know what? Sometimes you bring everything you have and it's maybe 5% of your normal show compassion. We cannot be all on it and perfect all the time. And even someone perfect for you has those flaws and has fears and has concerns.

So when you're honest with yourself and you're honest with each other, you're able to show that equal compassion and you're walking into that territory of vulnerability. Which is really what makes that relationship special. I mean, it is nice, but it's someone knowing you better and you can't be known until you show parts of yourself.

And if you're showing something that's painful, embarrassing, a story, a childhood story that was, um, really funny, but very embarrassing or a childhood story that kind of broke your heart. You're showing a part of yourself that is vulnerable for a quote unquote attack, right? But when we are showing that compassion to one another, we're allowing ourselves to be seen, and we are allowing ourselves to be loved.

Not the transaction of love, but just to be the way we are. And in order for someone to care about us the way we are, we have to reciprocate. We have to give that back. And number four is that being in a relationship is that balance between loving someone the way they are and encouraging them to grow in positive ways.

Now, someone may be encouraging us as well, like, I know you can do this, or you wanted to try this. You know, for sometimes it can be just growing. So far as food, I don't like, I could eat the same thing every day, all day. And not really get bored. You know, I like a nice meal that's different and has all the accoutrements around it, but I don't need it.

But I will also not try new stuff. You know, I, I'm just like, hmm, I don't like the look of it. I'm concerned about the texture, cuz I'm one of those weird people. I don't really step out, but it sure is nice to try something new. That I would not have normally tried, and that's a small thing maybe, but for me it's not.

I only eat certain things, but it is a big thing to just continue to grow. Now, I am not a very big, I'm gonna be honest, I am not a fan of chicken, and so I don't like really any chicken. And I know this is exactly what every. Nearly every health kick has, you know, you gotta eat more chicken. I'm like, Ugh, I'm not gonna go there.

So, barbecues are a little boring at my house, to say the least. But that's just the way I am and that's not something I really wanna change cuz I, I don't want to. So having that acceptance, like, okay, it's maybe weird, very strange, but I accept it the way it is. And knowing that you are in control of yourself.

And that's it. You're not in control of this relationship. It is with both parties being equally involved and that is what gives the relationship the spark that so many of us are looking for and eager to have. So I put in here, and I'm gonna review this. Number one, I think this one is big. Be present in the relationship.

Don't make him pay for your past. And don't plan a future from nothing. See what is in front of you. The other thing is be clear. Be clear with your goals, and be clear with your intentions. Number three, show compassion and compassion works both ways. And lastly, knowing that a relationship is really a balance between loving them the way they are.

And encouraging them to grow in positive ways, not your ways, but positive ways. So this one was a short one, but I thank you so much for listening. Every single minute that we have is our own minute and you chose to spend it with me, for which I appreciate. I wish to invite you to leave the review or even leave some podcast show topics.

I absolutely appreciate that you all have a blessed day and I will see you next Tuesday. And until then, let's keep building one another up!