How to Raise Your Standards and Stop Settling for Drama!

Hello and welcome to In The Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina and I am your host. This is the platform I've chosen to talk to you about living a life without regret. Shame, blame that same old cycle, that same old, awful trio, so that you can live a life that is full of joy and just being in alignment with everything that you are created to be.

So I have to say this, I am not a licensed counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, but I am a student of life and a healthcare professional who's had thousands and thousands of hours just having good conversation with people from all walks of life, from many cultures. And I've just realized there's so much that we have in common.

So I would love to talk about. Raising your standards today. This was, again, not the topic I had wanted to talk about, but it just seemed like whatever I was listening to the last couple days, it was just the same story. Raise your standards and if anyone has ever followed Tony Robbins, this is something that you are probably very aware.

He's had many, many conversations about raising your standards and that basically we are living. Up to the standard that we have now. Maybe the standard we have was great when we were young. Maybe it was great when we were going through something, but it doesn't mean that that has to be our standard right now.

Sometimes our standards were never, were never even neutral. They were, they were poor in the first place. And I'm gonna put this example first. What about if you have everything you've achieved where you are, quote, Successful, but you come home and you're not even engaged with your children and you're not engaged with your partner either.

There's no conversation. There's no connection. There's no real bond with the people that you are doing all this work for, is that really successful? Or you have all the looks, you have all the youthfulness and that. But you feel empty and you feel that there is a void sometimes we do what's called mascara therapy, where we color everything nice.

You know, we remodel our home and we dress up in all the fancy stuff, but we're not really comfortable and, and that's where raising your standard. And your view comes in raising your mental standard, your spiritual standard, your financial standard, your health, but you cannot raise what you have not yet identified.

And so first identifying, I always call it the wheel of life. It's not my phrase, but where are you with regards to parenting? Where are you with regards to your financial situation? Where are you with regards to where you feel. In your in your body, are you okay with where you are? And this is a comment I heard.

I didn't like it. It didn't feel well, and it didn't feel well because it made me uncomfortable. And a lot of why it made me uncomfortable was because there was truth it. And it's this, this quote right here. I wish I could tell you who it was. Maybe it was Tony Robbins, maybe it wasn't. But the quote goes as follows, your life is a direct reflection of the standards you hold both for yourself and for others.

So yes, I do feel that sometimes the things that happen in our life or the people around us, we can't pick our family. I know now we can make a choice of who we really want our family, but you cannot choose. Your legitimate mom and dad, you cannot choose that this is really your cousin. You can't choose that you were born in New York versus New Delhi.

You don't have choices in a lot of the systems that we're born into, which that's exactly what they are. They're systems, but what we choose to do within that system, as we become aware, as we grow older, as we grow into maturity. And sadly, some of us have to grow into maturity a lot younger than others.

And sadly, some of us never grow into maturity ever. But that is where we are setting our standards. And so you have to identify what is your standard? Is it just to be in a relationship? Will the fact that you're, you know, in this 20, 30, 40 year relationship, but. There's nothing there. There's no communication.

All you have is a common name or a common address, but nothing in common. You know more and feel more about the neighbor that you say hi to with the little puppy dog and that you know has the grandkids over every other day. You feel more towards that person than you do with the person in your own home.

Is that really a relationship? Are you valuing the time you spent with them or are you valuing the quality? What about if you also feel that you have not yet achieved everything you want to? Is it because you haven't put the effort in, or is it always, well, someone didn't do this? Are you trying to play the martyr and the victim?

Or are you saying, okay, I'm, I'm on my feet. I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna go for it. You have to identify what standards you want in your life, and that's really a very personal decision. And when we go through identifying what standards we have and we want to raise those standards, that's where something, I know this quote is from Marcy Blake's, where he says, you know, wife has pain.

You can, you can't get away from it. And I know a lot of us do, right? We, we can drink too much, so we don't face our pain. We can shop too much, so we don't face it. We can eat too much, have too many relationships, too many one night stands, too many educational pursuits. We can have too many and too much of anything because we're not addressing the problem.

We're not addressing the pain. But RC Blakes does say you're going to have pain. It is your choice whether or not you're gonna have short-term pain or long-term pain, but you never have a choice. Every single person on this planet will go through some pain. It's just pain. Hard fact. Even if we bring that pain upon ourselves, we're gonna have some sort of pain.

But what, what kind of pain are we going to go through and for what purpose? So when we identify, for example, I'm gonna put out there a relationship with a partner or family member for that sake. But for, for my example, a relationship with a partner, you know, is it just important to have somebody that doesn't care about you, likely is cheating on you, likely knows that, you know they're cheating on you, but don't even have enough respect to hide it.

What about if you. Are not just happy to be in that, but you're like, at least I'm not alone. Which is a lie because you are as alone, as alone gets, right? What about you change your standard? That you'll not be in just a relationship, but your number one priority relationship is with you. And for those of us that have, you know, a higher level, your number one priority is going upward.

Your number two is yourself, and your number three is then out to anyone else. What about those people that you have relationships with? They're gonna treat you with respect all day, every day. And there's no excuse, oh, I had a bad day, so I, no, well, you need to fix your bad day. I'm not responsible for your bad day.

Oh, well, you know, I didn't mean it that way when I said that. Yes, you did. I heard that quote today. Again, you know, a lot of us, we, we act a certain way and we say, well, we're stressed out and we, so we lashed out. The stress was an excuse. You know, oh, I said this or that when I, no, you knew. You knew. There are reasons and then there are excuses, and it's stopping the excuses and finding a reason to get to your standard.

So say you, I identify your standard, you're gonna have this great relationship. You know what? As soon as you make those raising the bar, you're gonna have at least five things. That bring about some short term pain. And number one is you're gonna doubt yourself. And this one's weird because you might be doubting yourself before.

And how many of us have ever doubted ourselves, like, am I making the right decision? Is this the right career move? Is this the right person? Are these the right color bedsheets? Is this, are these are the better socks? Are these organic? Shall I buy these organic? Or are these organic? You know, we make decisions all the time.

And we can do so much with the self-doubt, you know, take a little bit or take it long, but when we're in a place where we're no longer letting people manipulate us and, and make us seem like we're crazy, well that's, that's where we were comfortable. You know, when, when people throw out all these red flags and we take them, Shake them out and then use them like, like a red path.

I had so many red flags in a relationship once I could have driven all the way to work 30 miles one way and back again over some more red flags. It was, it's, it's kind of pathetic. Yeah, it's ridiculous. But I didn't have any, any confidence. I didn't raise my standard, but it took just a moment. And that standard was raised and that that person just, they couldn't compete.

It's not a competition, but they're just not at your level. I don't know what level it's at. It's not my problem. But you're just, you're just, you notice that, that there are people in your surroundings that they don't measure up anymore. And that's number two. So now you're attracted to people that you're a new circle.

You're with people that show caring, kindness. They think like real thinking. Not, not just, you know, repeating a parrot from someone else, but they're actually thinking. And so not only did you have self-doubt, but now you've got this crew of people that you're not sure you fit in cuz you haven't attracted people like that.

You're, you're actually enjoying this peace of mind. You're not having a hot cold. Yes, no push pull. You're in that nice moment and it's scary. But you know what? You had that self-doubt, but you're like, no, I'm, I'm gonna keep going for it. You're attracting people that you weren't attracted to before a great new circle.

You're like, okay, I guess I gotta stay there. Then number three is you may even feel uncomfortable with your freedom. It's almost like another saying that sometimes we are afraid of failure, but we are just as afraid of success because it's awkward. We haven't felt it, we're not comfortable with it. And what about when we are in that relationship where, where now we don't have this codependent feeling, there's no toxicity.

You wake up and every breath feels deep and beautiful and clean. It's like nice little lavender, peppermint, and you've done this master cleanse, but now you're into number four, which is a little lonely, and that's what you'll see with people who have genuine friends. There's not 50 to a hundred people at that birthday party.

There's a small group of just genuine, caring people. I'm not saying you don't have a hundred family members or a hundred friends, but like you're really clo like really, really, really know you and accept you for where you are, and you're not co-dependent on them. That's a small circle. And number five.

Number five is that is a good one. It's self-respect. You now have more self-respect and you kept this promise, despite the self-doubt, despite the loneliness, despite being in a crew of people that you're not all that familiar with. And despite feeling uncomfortable cuz you're no longer co-dependent. You feel and can walk with self-respect.

You know, you'll see it when people are out of a really bad relationship. It's like their posture increases because they literally don't have this weight on their shoulders. It's amazing what self-respect will do. And you got to that point, and that's what this whole podcast's about, building self-respect, self-worth, self-love.

And in order to get one, you gotta drop the other stuff. The self-doubt, manipulative people, toxic people, and you're gonna have less drama and less trauma. Which is really nice. And with all that's gone, you'll have so much more time to sleep, to eat healthy, to read books you like, to exercise, to enjoy, to laugh, and do absolutely nothing cuz you raised your standards, you get that freedom that you actually were created for.

So thank you again for your time today. This show was a really on my heart today, so I'm glad that you listened and thank you for your time cuz you know what? We don't get our time back. So if you like the show, leave some stars, give some feedback. Hey, I appreciate it so much and I will see you guys next Tuesday when the next show drops.

And until then let's keep building one another up!