The Art of Bouncing Back: Navigating Disappointment with Grace

Hello and welcome to In The Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina and I am host of this show. This is the platform that I have chosen to talk about living a life that is in your joy, in your truth. Having self-confidence and self-esteem and basically leaving that whole shame blame game behind you, basically living a life that does not consist of many regrets.

So if this topic is of interest to you, go ahead, hit the subscribe button and I look forward to interacting with more of you each week. So today's topic is about disappointment and I. Came upon this topic because I was extremely disappointed this last week, and a little background is not that I was disappointed in an event.

It was more a complete disappointment in a person, and that person was linked to an event. So it was just an entire disappointment, including working on homeschooling. Which is also difficult while you're working. But I will put that aside. One of the things that I really had to do this weekend over this Labor Day weekend in 2020 was just kind of re-put myself back together.

I, you know, I was not tormented all the way down, but really disappointed. You know, that kind of disappointment that lingers with you. Just kinda like your, with that little cloud where you just feel it, you cannot shake it off. No matter how comfortable, confident, how much self-esteem you have, self-confidence, you have belief in yourself, you're just kind of hung up on this moment, and that's okay.

So I decided to talk about disappointment in this show, and I read an article that I found beneficial. And so I wanna discuss that a little bit further today. And there are seven steps that you can work through. Now, of course, you can always make that higher, make that lower, but it really helped put things in perspective to me, and I absolutely hope that it helps put things in perspective for you.

And the first one is just to accept what happened. You know, accepting does not mean liking. Accepting does not mean you're happy about it, thrilled about it, or that you want to have a repetition. It really is understanding that it is what it is. You know, it, it's not what we had as an expectation, but it is our reality, and the quicker we can accept what reality was or reality is, the better we can deal with it.

If we're trying to deal in hopes and dreams and expectations, well, they are not tangible and they are also not real life events, but just getting to that point where you have an acceptance and a realization of an event and have respect for it, and have respect for yourself in the process of that. And that leads right into number two.

That is a little hard for me sometimes to do. And maybe this will relate to you and resonate with you as well, is treating yourself like a friend and not a friend of me. You know, so many times the world is ready to put us down and it can come from left, right above, below, strangers. But when you are having a moment like that, it is best to just be a friend to yourself.

What would you do? In that moment, if your friend was that disappointed or a loved one, how would you act to them? Wouldn't you have a little compassion? Would you not extend some grace and some time, you know, not to, oh well, you just have to get over it. Or you know, you should not run into your own story.

Well, this is what happened to me. This is how it related to my life. Let me tell you a time when this happened to me. It's not about that. It's about your friend in that moment. And in that exact timeframe, it's about you just dealing with your disappointment. And it's okay if it takes a couple hours. It's okay if it's a process and it kind of takes a week or two.

You know, some disappointments are smaller, you know, you didn't get a parking spot close to the store, and some are a lot bigger, especially when it's disappointing with friends or loved ones. So just treat yourself that way. And this leads to number three, is recognizing your big expectations. I love big expectations because I believe it is a lack of having big expectations that keeps us in the same cycles over and over again.

You know, there are people that you will meet that never, ever believe they're gonna leave that small town, and sure enough, they never do. And it's not wrong to leave, you know? Or stay where you were born and raised, but if you have a belief that's all that's out there, and that's what you're destined to do and destined to be because that's, well, the way it is, then it's sad because it was never a real big expectation.

If that's your thing, you know, like I never wanna leave my family and I have met people who've said, my family is my career. I am not leaving this place and I'm not gonna pursue a career. I'm gonna be the best aunt or uncle to all these family members. That is their expectation, which is wonderful, but recognizing what your expectation is and being the best friend, the best spouse, the best worker, may be part of your expectation and recognize.

That you actually have some, which is great. Number four is just to distract yourself in a healthy way. You know, not alcohol, not excessively eat food, but just take that time to do things that you really enjoy. And for me, that's reading. And I read a phenomenal book this week. By a classmate of mine, and I was so enthralled in the story and just realizing that I knew this author of this incredible book, and I'm gonna put it in the comments below.

It's just an amazing book about how she dealt with things in her own life, her own disappointments. You know, her mother passed away when she was 12 years old from breast cancer. Her mom was 45, she was 12. Her dad was not that loving father, and on the wedding day as he walked her down the aisle, said, I'm glad to be getting rid of you.

There are a lot of lost d, you know, expectations there. But I was able to really get into her story and feel empathy and look outside myself and realize we all have disappointments. You know, I think as a lot of times we get so stuck in our own life, well, my money situation is this, and my family situation is this, and my health situation is this.

We're so disappointed in our own stuff that we don't even see the glimmer and the glory and the life. So distracting yourself with other things, and sometimes that may be a Netflix bend, but just distracting yourself is beneficial. Number five is asking yourself the right and the big questions like, did you give yourself enough time and prep time?

By that I mean if you really thought you were gonna work out seven days a week, every week, starting, you know, I don't know, September 1st, but you never prepped for it. You never had the cute outfit, you never had comfortable shoes. You never figured that you know you're gonna do all of your exercise outside and it's in the middle of the rainstorm or rainy season or what it feels like this year.

It's one of the hottest times on record. You're not gonna be running out after work. It's 99 degrees outside. You know? Are you really preparing yourself physically, emotionally? Are you setting up clear boundaries? Between you and other people because you have expectations, but so do others. And sometimes their expectation of you is just to use you.

How are you in that place? Number six, and there's only seven, is that you can adjust for the next time and the time after that and you know there will be a next time and there will be a time after that. And I thought about all those times. So far as relationships and friends where I'm like, I'll never have a friend like that again.

And I sure did and built some solid friendships. Built really in the fires of life, you know, that they were strong, they were bonded, they were sealed, they were just melded and welded together, and phenomenal. Then I think about certain relationships that were more difficult. You know, having, you know, people that you dated that you thought you would marry, or people that you married that you thought you'd stay married to, and then you go through that process of dealing with that breakup.

But then there's a time when you put your little pinky toe or you decide to step in with both feet in a new relationship. But you have to adjust because there can still be disappointment. The possibility of disappointment is 100% there, but how you deal with it, how you deal with all the red flags or the red carpet before you, you leave the next relationship either for yourself or someone else, you, you have a different coping mechanism.

And so that disappointment served a purpose. And number seven is realize. You have disappointment because you actually care. You care about that person, you care about that situation, or even bigger, you care about yourself. For me, one thing that I really value is my own name and not because it's associated with, I don't know how many letters after it, but I associate with Betina as in someone who.

Knows about me, hears about me, realizes that I look to build other people up. That's something that is, a central core value to me, and I want to build up others, but I also enjoy building up and growing myself, and I look for opportunities to advance my own journey mentally, physically, psychologically, emotionally, all of those, and.

That is because I care about what impact I can have on those around me, and one of those people around me is my own son. So I do value all of that. So some of my disappointment came from realizing that this disappointment is very much likely going to happen to my own son, and there is nothing I can do about it.

But having gone through this, I will better have one day what he may ask of me, what he may need. I will have it to give. So there is always something out of these moments of disappointment. There has to be. I believe it. So. Well, thank you so much for listening today. You know what, we all only have so many minutes.

We only have so minutes, we can donate to this or that. And I appreciate the time you took to listen to this podcast today. If this is something that's of interest to you, I would completely appreciate if you subscribed and even leave a review because that is a great way to help build the podcast. A better way is if you care about people that.

You can tell with benefit from some of these, share it. I would appreciate that and likely so with the person that you are sharing it with. So until next Tuesday, Let's Build One Another Up!