The Importance of Balancing EQ and IQ for Self-Love

The Importance of Balancing EQ and IQ for Self-Love

 welcome to In the Right Podcast, and this is the platform from which I talk to you about living a life without the captivity of guilt and regret so that you can use your self-worth to live an empowered, independent, and free. Because that's what it's all about, right? And I am your host, Bettina Brown, and I will start off as always saying that I am not a licensed counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist, but I am a student of life and a healthcare professional who absolutely loves to research and loves to pay it forward.

I learn a lot and I love to share what I learn. So if this topic and similar topics are of interest to you today, please go ahead and subscribe. All right. Well, today we are on episode 13, which I call self-love IQ versus self-love eq. And I recently read several articles, books, and I'm taking an online course because I love to do a lot of things at once.

That's all another story, but the idea of emotional intelligence just kept coming up and I'm a believer in signs. I decided that there must be a reason for why this is in my face, and I decided to look a little closer into it and the conclusion was the same regardless of whatever the topic was. And the conclusion is this, that IQ is important, you know, some intelligence or, but.

Without some emotional intelligence or eq, you don't ever reach your highest potential. And some people may argue, well, no, I still did very well. Or This person and that person, they are exceeding in the, in the realm of finance or exceeding in, in the realm of real estate or, in their relationships or in their career.

But that doesn't mean that's their highest potential. So I was a little skeptical still, but this was the conclusion from coaches, psychologists, and the financial analyst, that looked into why some millionaires stay millionaires and gain worth. And why do others just simply go broke? Why do some couples have deep, meaningful relationships?

And others are friends at best, and they're just kind of accepting the notion that they're dying together. For the rest of you know their time, that's the most they're gonna get. What's the difference? And it seems like everything boils down to the emotions that we already have set in place, that we put there, or perhaps were placed there by previous circumstances or culture.

I began to wonder if we can have self-awareness IQ and still struggle with becoming fully aware and believing and appreciating our importance, and having that kind of translate into everything we do from our relationships to our career, to our friendships, to what adventures we are excited to start.

Could that have something to do with. Or perhaps if we don't reach our full confidence, are we not able to pursue things that are important to us? So I had some, some questions and, and I decided to do a little research, and this is what the podcast is there for about my research today. So I'm gonna start off with number one.

Definitions, right? We gotta start with definitions. So IQ versus eq, and it helps to start on the same page with this process. And IQ stands for intelligence quotient. I forgot it stood for quotient. I couldn't even remember that part. It was like, yeah, iq, iq, whatever that is, but intelligence quotient. And what that means in the regular English language is that this is all the hard information, hard in quotation marks.

So it's similar to, to hard subjects or the hard sciences like chemistry, biology, mathematics. Something is or it isn't. For example, two plus two is four. It does not matter what the person writing this equation. Down what they're feeling. And it really doesn't matter what the personal experience or emotional situation is of the person looking to solve that problem.

Two plus two is four. It, that's all it is. And so basically when we have achievements, we get honor roll, we, we are first place or we are second place in a tournament. That's just hard. It is or it isn't. You like this podcast exists or it doesn't exist. It, it's just period IQ hard facts and you can take an IQ test to see where you are on the spectrum of things.

Okay. And. Looking into some of the articles I found this one published in 2016, which examined the relationship of a self-concept versus or with iq self-concept as in self-awareness, self-worth, self recognition of worth. And what they found is that we typically are able to believe in ourselves and understand we have.

Right around adolescence, which sounds crazy because that isn't that the time we're all struggling, while many of us were struggling to. Find ourselves, don't we say that they're finding themselves and, and the attitudes go up and down and the hormones are left and right, but there's also some intellectual change.

This is when you've accomplished certain things and you start to feel go one direction or another. With that you have self-worth and that you have some meaning in life, that you have a place in this family, and by then you've. Could possibly be on the other side where you've just not had a great family life and your value, your importance was negated.

 You were used, abused, emotionally, psychologically, if that has all happened, usually by the age of 16, it takes a lot more work to change the outlook. So that does not necessarily change the IQ of that person. Though it can, you know, with opportunities to learn, et cetera, but it definitely starts to play into the eq.

So what does that mean though? What is eq? And some people call it ei. So are you emotionally intelligent or do you have an emotional quotient for eq? And it was not as easy to find what the definition of eq. And part of that is because it's a soft science, that it's, when it deals with emotions, it's not one or the other.

We typically, have more than one emotion. We can have it from second to second, but. It can fleet. You can't argue if I'm happy right now, that's, that's not up for debate. If I feel happy, I'm happy. You may not be happy that I'm happy. You may not be feeling that I am happy. You may have doubts of why I am happy, but it doesn't have a concrete fact, and so that's why it's a little harder to study and there is no test that is nationally or internationally.

Recognized as the emotional intelligence or emotional quotient test. However, your host Patina loves to research and I did find, something through Harvard where they went through and said, you know, you can kinda learn what your emotional intelligence is, and that's in the, in the box below the description, below this, in the show notes.

But you know, you may be interested with that. I thought that was neat, but. Management, self-awareness, social awareness, and relationship management all fall under emotional intelligence. And the key about this is not just recognizing and not recognizing what feelings you have, which can be hard in itself.

Right. Like what, what feeling in, in my childhood or what feeling in college gave me this experience? And now that's kind of this quiet little thing in the back of my head, this little self-doubt. What is it about that? Am I even able to know that certain things, um, were triggers in my life? Do I even know that?

And we're not always aware of that. So if we're not always aware of ourselves, How are we supposed to relate to other people? And that's where this relationship management comes in, how to develop and maintain good relationships. And that involves something called empathy. And there are people that they don't have this, they don't have it.

And that is just getting out of yourself and being able to feel. And learn and understand from someone else's perspective. And if you can't do that, then you're not very emotionally intelligent. And we can kind of tell people like that. Can we, you, when you talk to them long enough, you're like, they, they only think about themselves.

Wow. Getting outside their own head is, is impossible for them. You know, you can feel this and you can know this. The person that doesn't have emotional intelligence, they can't feel this. They don't know this. They wouldn't even be listening to this to learn about emotional intelligence because they wouldn't even think they need any, and they don't even know what it is.

So it really does take both of them, this knowing your emotions, other people's emotions, and how to alter your behavior so that you're kind and polite in all of them. That's emotional. So how does an IQ and an EQ relate to your self-worth and your self-love? So for this one, I put a iq. We know what and who we are.

We know that we are supposed to be important. We know that we are supposed to. Ourselves. We know we're supposed to forgive ourselves and respect ourselves, and that we have skills that we can share with other people. That we have had experiences, that can help us. That we have a story to tell, that we can change other people's lives just by the gifts we have to give the world.

And we know that our worth is not related to what we can give someone else, whether it's status or money or relationship, we may know. We may know that in our mind cognitively consciously, but eq. In this instance actually relates to internalizing all of those other things, internalizing and knowing that you have some worth, knowing that you have something to bring to the table, knowing that in a way that your posture is different.

You're not cocky, but you, you walk with confidence. You, you exude out what you already have inside of you, and that is the difference. So you may. Intellectually that you're an important person, but you don't know in your body that you're an important person. And so when we don't know that, we tend to have less.

Positive experiences with social situations. We may not, we may be that wallflower. We may never wanna be called on in class. We may not want to be in relationships, or if we're in relationships, we're just used and abused because we can't stand up for ourselves because we haven't internalized that. So I was thinking about words that we may use in our everyday language.

 I've heard this said several times, like that girl, she doesn't even realize she's pretty, and I'm not trying to put it all on a visual thing or, or superficial, but there are times when you can tell that someone knows that they're pretty, you know, they've been blessed with some, some jeans and they may or may not have to use extra products, but they know they're pretty and.

May utilize other things in life like their brain and may not because they think they're pretty and their, their, their beautifulness will last forever. Then you have other people that you can just see and meet and they exude just some inner beauty. They almost glow with joy and happiness and they are pretty, but you can tell that they would never believe it in a million years if someone told them like, oh, no, no.

And I believe from the research and then just living, which is the greatest research there is, is that I think the happy medium is somewhere in between. Knowing that you have certain physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual attributes, but being aware of them, not with arrogance, not with, I'm better than everyone.

And also not with, well, everybody's better than me. There is a medium that someone has knows, does more, but then there's the other side. Someone has knows and does less. We have to know it, but it's all about internalizing that. So lastly, I looked this up and. Figured and try to try to figure out what is it about self-appreciation and self worth that we are, why are we not able sometimes to internalize that?

Why is it stuck on an intellectual level? And some people, and I may have been there, as in I have been there, knew it on an intellectual basis, but it never seeped into my subconscious. Not for a long. And, I looked up and found three things. One is doubt. Doubting that we really are important. Like, you kind of know it.

It's like those affirmations that you put on your post-Its, I'm gonna win the lottery today. Knowing when you're looking at it and thinking about it, you don't believe it. You know nothing about it is, is true for you. You totally doubt you. Totally doubt. You may have had a lot of external experiences.

Kind of substantiated that doubt. Or you may have had so many circumstances that you created in the self-fulfilling prophecy, but you don't, you don't trust, you don't believe that you really have worth and importance and beauty within you. The second one is fear. So there's a lot of fear and rock in the boat, isn't there?

 And being outside the norm of your family or in your relationship or your workplace, it's a scary place to be. We subconsciously fear losing relationships. We may not like the relationships, but that status quo, that comfort, that's just, that's almost like a crime for people. We love to stay in comfort not knowing that it is in the discomfort.

That the greatest rise and the greatest change happens. So the last one that I found per all the research is anxiety and guilt. And these are kind of the more common signs, that something's up with our emotional life, that something may be. Off that we're not looking at or recognizing or taking the time to evaluate and sit with that emotion, because let's be honest, sitting with some of those emotions is, does, that's not a great day that you think about, you know, like that would not make my, that would not make my week to sit with that emotion and really feel all of that and.

Why would you want to be guilty? Why you feel guilty that you're gonna move up, that you will get out of that neighborhood, that you will make more money, that you will achieve that relationship, that you will maintain your career, that you will excel outside of your career and other things. So the four things again, of why we may not be able to emotionally accept that we have self-worth or doubt .

Fear, anxiety and guilt. And so per a lot of these articles that I read, there was something that this one therapist, I felt like they just hit it spot on. That without self-esteem that you get from being emotionally aware of where you are. Some emotional intelligence, a happy and fulfilling life is just not possib.

And even if there's happiness and relationships and opportunities literally just fall in your lap. If you don't feel that self-worth, you're not able to fully appreciate or receive the relationship or the experience, you're not fully vested, and that that is. I think that is really sad. So the bigger thing here is change your story and change your life.

Open up your emotional intelligence. There's so much to you that you may not have even tapped into. So all of our time is valuable and I appreciate yours. I hope that you found this episode valuable and interesting, and if you did, I would appreciate it if you left a review or sent me a message, Bettina @ in the rising.com.

I will see you guys next Tuesday. Let's keep building one another!