Alone But Not Lonely: Finding Happiness in Your Own Company

Alone But Not Lonely: Finding Happiness in Your Own Company

Hello, welcome to the In The Rising Podcast, and this is the platform from which I talked to you about living a life without the captivity of guilt and regret so that you can use your self worth. To live an empowered, independent, and free life. I'm your host Bettina, and I will start off by saying today, like I say with every show, that I am not a licensed counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist, but I am a student of life and healthcare professional who loves to research and have in-depth conversations about what makes us, us, what makes you you, and what is it about me that I need to learn.

So is this one of those finding yourself kind of shows? No, not really. But just to realize that one of the things most of us regret, and this is per the stats, that the thing that most of us regret a few minutes before our time is done, whether it's what we consider too soon or much later in life, is that we did not live life on our terms that we did everything.

According to what was expected as our roles as gender roles, family roles, professional roles, but we were never really authentic. And that's the the sad thing. That's the sad thing when we cannot be authentic to ourselves. And so today's toe talks about how this time alone, If you're listening way off in the future, we are still in the self-isolation part of 2020 and social distancing, that's what they call it, social distancing.

I hear it all the time and I didn't, it didn't come up to mind. So what can you do with some of that time alone? And I'm gonna admit something to you guys. I love my alone time. I love it. I treasure it. I get excited when I get to just spend time all by. But I will tell you that spending time all by myself, this much time on purpose, you know, not even having someone near you, there's a lot of true like psychological aloneness, and we can go into all the depths of that.

But again, I'm not, I'm not equipped to talk about all the depths of that. That's just more or less my opinion. I do wanna share something that I felt would be positive, right? If we focus on negative things, we see more negative, and their clouds are always darker, but when we focus on positive things, we're able to see that a little bit more readily as well.

And so that was my goal today. As I was doing some paperwork I put on a show, and it was from Dr. Duane Dwyer, and I don't know if everyone has heard of him before, but he's one of those people, you know, that he has, you know, took a year off, sold all his possessions, took a year off to live in Maui, and spent time at the beach every day collecting his thoughts on.

I don't have that kind of time. I don't, I definitely don't have that kind of, you know, financial resource. But I did have time to listen to him and he talked about it. So I thought, well, how can I use some of that, what he was talking about and, and really he's a kind of our modern guru for someone else, it's kind of like, It's like the Billy Graham, you know, Billy Graham is all about the Bible, and he didn't write it, but he's read it and, you know, discussed it and studied it.

And so we look to him. Sometimes we don't even look to the source. Right? Well, Dr. Dwayne Dwyer is a little bit like that, but he's a little goofy and a little funny and, and. I liked what he talked about. And so as I was alone in my space, and usually I work with a lot of people, but I was literally alone. I wasn't just alone in my office.

I was literally alone on the entire floor alone. And, you know, I thought, okay, well then I'm going home to be alone. And then I wake up and I'm alone and, and, and there's a time that I thought, this is what I've wanted, was all this alone. And this will not be forever. You know that saying, this will pass, this too shall pass.

Well, that is for the good things too. You know, the the time when everything is victorious and wonderful and stock prices are rising, that will pass. And when everything's bad and downtrodden and stock prices are falling, that will pass. Everything will pass. Um, and I thought about another. I'm kind of hitting all this one where I was walking out of my house today to go to work right prior to to this lesson.

And I saw a picture I bought long time ago at Hobby Lobby and it says sometimes God calms the storm and sometimes God calms the sailor. And at this moment in time, the storm doesn't even look like it's really ramped up all the way. So all I can really do at that moment is focusing on calming the sailor, which is me, which is you.

And so if I'm having all this alone time, What's some of the benefits because I, I've had moments where I'm like, okay, I don't ever have my TV on. I had the TV on. Even my son was like, what are you doing? I was like, I need to hear something. But I decided to talk about five things that can be beneficial for spending just time with you and you, and number one.

Number one is, It's emotionally and mentally taxing to have constant interaction. So sometimes it may not be that we are feeling. Sad. It's just we're feeling a change that this go, go, go, go, which we're very accustomed to, and I will put all of my hands and fingers and shake them that I'm very much a go, go, go person.

But that means I'm in this constant interaction with what's next. Constant interaction with different people and constant interaction with the next thought, the next thing, the next. X, Y, Z, but I'm not then in the present, right? I'm in the future. And so when we go and go and go, we don't realize that we're so far going that we're not really us.

I've mentioned this on a, on the show a few times where sometimes we feel like a shell, and that's what that first, you know, number one regret of the dying is, I did everything according to this role and I wasn't me. Well, the role is the outer shell and the you is the inside. And getting this time to spend it alone, thinking, pondering, reflecting, journaling, writing, drawing, creating gardening.

It gives you some time to just be here in the present, and a lot of us are in the, you know, present in the fu in, in, in the past, in the future, that we're not in the present. And so we get an emotional break and a mental break. Number two is getting in touch with your own feelings and Dr. Dwyer talked about his book.

Or there was someone else's ING path of the light. I know I'm saying that wrong, but basically this is all about the writings of Confucius's teacher. So Confucius, we've heard about him, but this was the guy he looked up to was. Lasu and he talks about that LASU does, where he's saying it is so important to just find yourself to return to the root, your inner self is to find peace and fulfill your dis destiny.

So maybe if we're having this time to understand our emotions about things and not fear about what's going on, because that's, that's a natural human reaction and, and we. Yeah, I've definitely seen it on a lot of, pastor shows, YouTubes, and, you know, fear. Fear we can't be the fear. It is natural and normal to have fear.

It is natural and normal for us to be afraid because so much has changed so rapidly. But what about if we have an opportunity? Just put that fear aside and say, well, I need to get to know me because on the other side of this, I'm gonna really need to have a good, solid foundation and know how I stand on things.

What's important to me. Maybe for some people there will be an opportunity that maybe would not have come across because you weren't even exposed to your own feelings about certain things. So there can be a positive to that. Number three. Is getting in touch with the feelings of those close to you. Now, there's some jokes out there where, uh, this person says, okay, you're gonna be isolated with your wife and your child as option A or B, would you like to?

And the person immediately says, B, you know, b b I don't wanna be with my wife and child. And we all laugh. And it is funny. It's, it is a funny joke. What is it about being with people that are close to us, whether they are related, you know, child, mother, or having, you know, a relationship or just being neighborly.

How are you doing Get to wave to someone. In fact, as I was driving home from work, I had to stop at a light in this little. Area right in front of a neighborhood. And I saw these two neighbors talking to each other at least 10 feet apart, and they were sitting on the little wall, but they were just able to have a closeness, like to sit down and talk.

How often do we get to do that? And, that is, is this kind of a special. In fact, there's a book,  469 thought-provoking Questions for Couples, and it talks about everything, you know, from, have you ever felt disrespected by me to questions about intimacy, and then even questions of, well, how would you rate our friendship?

You know, like on a zero to 10 scale, like zero or 10, and what can we do to, to make our friendship better in your. So those are kind of questions that we, we don't ever think about. Like, well, what, where do I stand right now? Like, how do I feel? How am I secure in this friendship or family? Let me get to know a little bit about you, not your day, which is important, but not just, you know, the, the facts.

I woke up at this time. There was a lot of traffic on the way to work. I forgot my. I forgot my computer, which I did today. I forgot my work computer. I, you know, just not the facts, but really something about you, something deep about you. So I'll recap real quick. Number one, emotionally and mentally getting a break from constant interaction.

Number two is getting in touch with your own feelings. Number three is getting in touch with the feelings of those around. And number four, what I think would be nice. To think about is that you don't have to apologize. You know, it's, oh, did, did I, you know, offend you? Or, oh, did I bother you? Or, oh, was I, two minutes later, oh, I'm sorry for accidentally cutting you off.

That would be me. Oh, I'm sorry. You know, I didn't see you. Oh, I have to do this. Oh, I, I didn't see that. Like, you don't have to apologize. You can just be, I'm sorry, I only, I didn't dress up enough to have our lunch together. I'm sorry I didn't wear the shirt you gave me. I'm sa you know, you don't have to apologize for anything.

You can just be, you have your hairy crazy and you know what? Let your, your facial hair, if your guy just let it grow out and let your hair just do what you want. Don't worry about the makeup. You can just be you.

You know what? I'm gonna let that dish sit there because it's not important. I'm gonna let it sit there. I don't have to change it. You can just be in that moment. And number five is that maybe, maybe that in our daily lives, we still look for some validation from outside sources. You know, in the beginning I talk about living a life without guilt and regret.

But we tend to have guilt and regret because of validation issues. You can't feel guilty for something that you don't feel bad about, and a lot of times we want validation that, you know, it was just a bad act. You know, you still trust me as a person. I still trust me as a person that you can let that all go.

You can simmer through it and kind of figure it out. So there are other sides of being alone, which I, I am not gonna focus on for this show, but I am aware that many people do not have that time, that being at home with family, relatives, roommates, sometimes, can be a more dangerous situation and it's mentally and emotionally more taxing.

I do understand that's out. I am not unaware of that, and I don't want to sugarcoat that. But there are still opportunities even in them to learn something. Not all of us are in a position of lack of control all of our lives, and the one place that you always can be safe is in your own mind and in your own.

That will be there. And that's, we're learning to trust your heart and your soul, and your mind, and your your thoughts. To be more positive will lead that to have a more positive life. So I am wishing all of you health, wealth, wisdom, and love. And I know that all of our time is extremely valuable and I appreciate you spending some time listening to me today, and I hope you found this episode some value to you.

And if you did, I'd appreciate if you left review, or go ahead and subscribe on the. Platforms that you're listening to, you can also drop a line or give feedback to me on, my email and I also have an Instagram and Facebook page. All you have a great day. Let's build one another up!