Episode 44: Don't tell me how to feel! A view on attitude.

Don't Let Others Control Your Attitude: How to Stay Positive in Negative Situations

Hello and welcome to In The Rising Podcast. My name is Bettina, and this is the platform I've chosen to talk to you about living a life that is really within our hopes, our dreams, our expectations, and leaving all that shame, blame game, and guilt behind. Kinda getting rid of all of that. And I always say that I am not a counselor.

I am not a licensed psychologist or a psychiatrist, but I am a student of life and a healthcare professional. I'm a PT by trade, and I have worked with thousands of people and spent a lot of time with them, especially one-on-one with those going through cancer. And through that time, you know, you spend a lot of time with someone, 15, 18, 20 hours, you start to.

Talk. You talk about what your hopes were, you talk about expectations and where you are right now. And so many people really evaluated their life right at the moment when they thought their life might be over. And I think there's a lot of blessing in that. I am very grateful that people trusted me with that information, but what I've also decided to do, Is take those things, these, these topics that a lot of us really feel that we're not living a true life to ourself.

You know, we're living to someone else's expectations with someone else's idea of success and turn that into a podcast because that is really what our life is about. But today I also want to announce another podcast that if you are interested in this one, that you might like. So whether you're new to podcasts or you consider yourself a longtime listener, if you haven't heard of Girl You're In For A Treat, girl is a podcast about empowering women to be their bad selves with segments like personal problems, because we all know we have many of those and conversations on a variety of topics from men to entrepreneurship.

If you like the dynamic of in The Rising Podcast, you're sure to love the fourth and back banter of Amaya, a Pisces, and Paige, a Libra, as they share self-proclaimed mediocre advice and their own embarrassing stories. To join the movement of women from all over. Catch the latest episodes by searching Girl, all caps exclamation point.

You can find it on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or Anchor. And follow at The Grill Podcast on Instagram and most other social media sites. So I welcome and invite you to check them out, check them out, get a get to see how that resonates with you. Well, today's topic came to me and it literally came to me. So if you've listened to a couple of my shows before, you are well aware.

That I am a big believer in signs, so I believe if you keep seeing something, you know, if you're told something, you hear it on the radio and then you hear it on tv, that's your message. Well, today I always, I always put a little spark out there in the world, like, please help me figure out what to talk about for today's topic.

And it came to me twice. Once before work and once after. Maybe there's a little bit to that, but the topic is about, Changing our attitude. And sometimes it's about changing our attitude about attitudes because so many of us here, so many of us here, you know, someone say, Hey, change your attitude. Or, Hey, they have a great attitude and even growing up, you know your teachers, you had a good attitude today.

I appreciate how kind you were to your, to your classmate. Or you get the little take home message that is pinned to your shirt. Maybe you remember having stuff pinned to your shirt on the way home, cuz I certainly do. And you know, it's like you had a bad attitude today. They had to pour this and you were told, hey, you gotta change your attitude.

But no one could really give you a good explanation of what an attitude is. And basically it was. Kind of like you had to assimilate that having a good attitude meant that you're not gonna question anything, that you're gonna just follow along with whatever someone has to say to you, and you're just gonna be the status quo.

And if you were not okay with the status quo, it meant you had an attitude. But as we get older, we recognize and realize that having a bad attitude or is more about. Feeling, being nice or being me. Right? You know, if, if you're having a bad day, you're probably gonna have a poor attitude. That means you're gonna snap at people, you're not gonna really pay attention, you're not gonna be very friendly.

Just that kind of attitude about it. Um, but is that all that's to it? Is your attitude really based off external factors? And that's where a lot of our self-reflection, our ideas. About what our attitude is can come to, you know, it's more about what are we able to do? Because if you're having an argument with someone, your best friend, and you're, you know, very upset about it, and then you're snapping at other people, you've now developed a bad attitude.

But it's not in line with your character, it's because of the situation. If you're upset at your partner, you know, they didn't cook dinner for you when you got home, or they didn't pick up the dry cleaning or take out the trash, or bring in the trash. There's an an issue that you have an attitude about, but the attitude has a lot more to do with the expectation, the failed expectation from what someone else didn't do.

We usually don't get too much in a bad attitude or bad mood because we failed, but. We tend to give that way when other people fail to meet our expectations. So is it fair to say that a lot of us place our mood and our view of our mood based on external things that are happening and, and in this year of 2020, there's really not much that's going anywhere in alignment with what a lot of us were.

Putting out for, for resolutions and 2020 ideas. You know, like what we have thought of on December 31st. Looks a lot different than what it is now in October, 2020. Things are so different. Our job situation is different, our economy is different. The housing situation is different. School systems, the entire education is completely different.

Huge milestones for people. You know, weddings have. Been altered and changed where you know now only a few people can come or they've been postponed to hopefully next year. There are other people who are, you know, giving birth and they can have only one person in with them. Now, for some people that's exactly all you need, but for a lot of people, this is a family event.

Event, and the same goes for funerals. Funerals were postponed and then at funerals, people were getting sick. Everything is so different. And there's this constant change. So we have a lot of external factors is kind of what I'm getting at. But what is our attitude? What is our attitude towards our day?

What is our attitude? Our potential for the week, the month, and our life in general? And for some people, having things that don't live up to their expectations puts them in this permanent bad mood. But is that really right? Is it, you know, I think sometimes you can have a bad attitude because you realize that something, this expectation is not ever being met.

If you're in a very toxic relationship, whether that's a friendship or actually a partnership or relationship, that is your clue. Something's not right. So the attitude is really, More designed to be a barometer. A barometer of what's going on. It's not meant, in my opinion, my humble opinion. It's not meant to be just a place for you to live.

It's supposed to be a signal to turn left, to turn right, to go straight, to go back. It's not designed to keep you stuck right there. And when we are projecting. A lot of negative energy. We're projecting all this anger. We're probably not angry. We're probably more hurt. We're probably disappointed, worried, anxious.

But is that something that a lot of us are willing to examine? Because especially as we get older, we tend to have any situation that remotely comes up that is similar to a situation that was. Traumatizing or just in, in any fashion that happened to us in the past, we relive it in that moment and back in a bad attitude.

So, you know, and I know, you know, cause I know there's some people, they wake up in a bad attitude. That's their whole day. Nothing's ever right? They're always just kind of flopping down, sitting down, they're depressed, they're angry, they're this, but there, there's no happiness. Their attitude is not a temporary thing, it's now become a permanent part of their character.

And what is important to recognize is that attitudes can be a fleeting thing. You know, you have every right to be in a place where you're having a good attitude and a bad attitude. But to stay in that place is to really encourage victimhood, and there is no power in being the victim. There isn't. There is power in change.

So what I invite you to think about today is really honing in or pulling the bull by the horns and saying, that's it. I don't have to be this way. Because when you do that, you are taking in some power. You're not the victim, you're the survivor, you're the thriver. And I always think about how many times I hear people, um, including my own child.

You know, I don't like anyone telling me what to do. How many times have we heard it and how many times have we probably said it ourselves? I don't like being told what to do, but we are totally told what to do if we keep our attitude based off external factors. It's someone else telling you how you should feel.

So why is it okay for you to say, Hey, I don't think you should tell me what to do, but hey, yeah, you can tell me how to feel, you can tell me how to feel all day, all night, and how I feel will be based and, and is the foundation of what I do. And because I feel bad, I will probably do very little and be unmotivated and be unsatisfied.

So why is it okay for someone to tell you how to feel. I think if we change that phrase sometimes from, don't tell me what to do to, don't tell me how to feel. We'll, recognize that there's a little more power with that now we stand up for ourselves and we don't have to have a negative attitude. Attitude is very much based off perception.

And sometimes when you see something as a crazy situation there, it can very well be a crazy or negative situation, but it is important to have a little light at the end of the tunnel. And remember that opportunity is often found in the middle of dilemmas. Even in the middle of 2020, people are still doing amazing things.

People are still able to reach out and spark up these volunteer organizations and feed all sorts of people. People are still coming out and supporting others with, um, GoFundMe and, and just being kind. People are still able to do what is right even in the middle of everything. And it's just about having an attitude of, yes, you can't tell me how to feel, even though the job situation is crazy.

The economy's off. Let's not even go into politics and, and, and, and there's just so much sadness, so much injustice, no matter how you look at it. There's so much of that going on. But I am going to make a decision that I will not let anyone tell me how to feel. I'm going to have a good attitude because with a good attitude, I can go forth and make a difference in my life and others.

I think that's a better place to start the day with. That's just my opinion. So thank you so much for listening today. You know what, all of our minutes are precious and oh, let's see. All of these 14 minutes are very precious to me, so thank you so much for spending your time with me today. I greatly appreciate it.

And you know what? I will see you guys next Tuesday and until then, let's keep another up! .