step-2-of-7-in-mini-series-acting-on-what-you-need-vs-what-you-want

Hello and welcome to the In The Rising Podcast. I am your host, Bettina Brown, and this is where I love to talk to you guys about living of life without the captivity of guilt and regret, so that you can use your self-worth to live an empowered, independent, and free. I'll start off by saying that I am not a licensed counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist, but I am a student of life and a healthcare professional who loves to research, loves Google, and also enjoys in-depth conversations with other people to find what our commonalities are and what makes us.

So if this topic and similar topics are of interest to you, you can go ahead and subscribe. And I also enjoy receiving feedback re from email at Bettina@ in the rising.com, and I put this in the description box below. So welcome. Welcome to episode six. This is the second in a little mini-series I'm creating of what does self look like.

Did I say that right? Self-love look like? What does self-love look like? So in the show notes, you'll see that all steps are written out. And this was a podcast from earlier. And what I really like and why, I mean, these mini steps is that you can skip around and just listen to what is most relevant to you.

Take what you like, leave behind what you don't. What matters to you is what matters to you. You don't have to go through the whole thing. So today's episode, I'll discuss number two of those seven steps of self-love, and that is how important it is to act on what you need as opposed to just acting on what you want.

How does this relate to self-love and how is this saying true? To your own self worth? Well, first let's look into what do you mean, what I need versus what I want? You know, we all get basic needs, but I'm gonna dive into that a little bit more in just a moment. So I would love for you to take a moment and really look at basically the photograph of your life.

When you look at this photograph, does the picture that you're looking at resemble your expectations? Do you think you have accomplished what you have sought or thought you would've accomplished by now? And this doesn't have to be from a negative standpoint either, because you can surprise yourself with everything you have accomplished, all of those bumps in the road that you did not plan for and did not expect that you overcame.

That's in that picture. And so this is nothing about self boasting or being humble. This is just a self-assessment. Do you have the career in which you can support yourself? Does your personal life look the way you imagined it? And I'm not just talking about marriage, you know, I thought I'd be married by now, or I wanted my 2.2 kids, or I had five and I wanted two, I had one, I wanted four.

But what about your friendships? What about your interpersonal relationships that are outside of the intimate relationships? And a huge one. The one that's the focus today is what does the relationship you have with yourself look like? Are you happy when you see yourself in the mirror? And I'm not talking about whether or not you gained five pounds or lost those 20 pounds that we're plaguing you.

Are you really proud to be in the skin that you're in when you look in the mirror? And is that reflected in the picture of your. So I have another example here. Um, what if you were incredibly shy when you were younger and your goal was to be able to go to church or function or work and really just be out in your element, feel comfortable even though you're not.

Have you been able to accomplish that? Have you looked at your physical needs as well as your emotional and intellectual? And we're gonna dive into that. So number one is your physical needs. Are you addressing basic things which include food, water, and shelter? Right? Is your food intake what you know is appropriate for you?

I get, we all have different financial situations, and I understand there are some grocery stores that you can buy water that's $7. Yeah, I'm not talking about. Within our means, within our capacity, are we doing the best with the resources we have for our own food? Are we doing this other thing called exercise?

When you're moving on a regular basis several times per week, are you doing that for yourself? And what about that roof? Does your house represent you or does your room represent. Can you see your personality in it? Is there warmth? Are you excited to come home? Because the warmth of your house or the warmth of your bedroom is just comforting.

It is your sanctuary. Have you let your physical needs be present? And when we're not paying attention to our physical needs, our body recovers. Our body recovers. But then there's just this point in time. When we start to gain more weight, gain more weight, gain more weight, this is not really healthy on all of our joints.

Then we have more knee pain than we weigh another 50 pounds, and then we can't exercise because we have so much knee pain from our weight in the first place. We have high blood pressure, we have high cholesterol. We're starting to spend more and more money and time at doctor's offices and for prescription medications because we're not addressing our physical needs.

Now I want a hamburger and some Doritos and Cheetos just as much as a lot of other people. And I'm all about moderation. I'm all about enjoying all of life. But Doritos and Cheetos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner are every single day, or for me, in my case, even a several times a week. It's not going to help my body feel its.

Then I need caffeine and all these other things to kind of come back up. And then I need stuff at night to come back down to go to sleep. So taking care of myself is the best thing I can do for myself. Taking care of our body from sleep to eat to our surroundings, to the clothes to cleanliness is so vital.

So number two addresses our emotional health. Are we looking at ourselves and even acknowledging that we have emotions? So many of us will suppress and suppress and suppress and suppress because we don't have time. I was so guilty in life of this one. Um, what about the other things? Acknowledging other people's emotions.

Are you doing things to better yourself, including journal journaling? It goes back to write it down. We hear it over and over how important it is to write things down, and that's because there's actual weight of your words. The pen leaves a mark. The pencil leaves lead on this paper. The paper weighs more after you're done with it than it does before.

There's weight to your emotions, and when you don't let them out, they weigh on you literally and figuratively. Are we using our past experiences to learn from, are we going to therapy or are we doing our own therapy by listening to podcasts? Are we doing our own therapy by moving our body and exercising a little bit, getting that energy out?

Are we allowing ourselves to. Be in a state of emotion that may not feel good, but we're not trying to run from it. And are we eyeing our emotions from the perception of learning of how we tick or are we just critically judging ourselves with everything all? A statement I hear often is, I really hate this about myself.

I really hate this about myself and. You may not like a certain quality that you have, but every time you verbalize, and I believe this, I can't give you any proof, but I believe this, your body's listening to you. So when you say, I hate this about myself, your body just says hate and myself hate, and myself, our subconscious does so much that reticular.

Particular activating system, the RAS, you know when you're looking for a car, like, I wanna buy a Toyota Corolla, and suddenly everywhere is a Toyota Corolla, it's like they exploded. That's not an uncommon phenomenon. It's just your brain has learned to pay attention to something that has been on its mind you searching that for that Toyota Corolla.

So when you're saying, I hate this about myself, your subconscious has. Only be hearing the critical parts of that sentence cuz we skim everything. Right? We skim when we scroll, we skim when we read faster, faster, faster. Well, the main points are hate in myself. So just changing our vocabulary, our personal dialogue, our inner dialogue, our self-talk does so much for our emotional.

And number three is asking yourself if you've addressed the needs for your intellectual health. And I'm not talking about book smarts, like, you know, I need another certification, I need another degree. I needed this, I needed that. Intellectual health has so much more to do with expanding your mind, learning something new, whether that something new is about something else, or.

A very personal person as in yourself learning a new hobby, learning something to open your mind instead of just letting things be the way they are and your brain turns to jello. There are research studies out there that really. Advise all of us to do crossword puzzles and word find puzzles, and now there's this stuff on the internet, you know, to help your spelling do this, to, you know, brain games and all of these things to use your brain.

It's basically using your entire life and just working it. You know, when you're thinking hard, when you're studying for tests. I know this from college days that I would always eat a lot. I always had the munch and. And this is because when a brain is really working, it burns more glucose, it burns more sugar now, it never burned the sugar in the areas that I wanted to burn my extra stuff.

But it burns more. It's because it's you being used. Are you using that brain and are you using that intellectual health to help the collective around? A person next to you and a person across the street, or are you kind of retaining some information that you may able to just give back to someone else?

Sometimes what we learn in life, whether it's through an experience that was good or negative, sometimes that's not about us. It has more to do that when someone around us and our sphere of influence needs the information that we have, that we are able. And capable to give that to them. So as a recap today, I talked about addressing our physical needs versus our physical wants, our emotional needs versus our emotional wants, and our intellectual needs as opposed to our intellectual wants and boiling it all down.

Needs versus wants. Sometimes it's just boiling it down between what I want now and what I really want for later. There is a lot to be said about some delayed gratification and in the book, the one thing which I've been talking about a lot on this podcast, this is a phenomenal book. If you would read one book, it would be the one thing, and I'll have that also in the description box.

There was a study, you've probably seen it. It's pretty famous. I didn't even know the name of it for the longest time. But the point is there were kids in this little room. Parents, of course, agreed, and they were given one cookie, and if they could wait 15 minutes while the investigator or the researcher walked out, if they could wait that 15 minutes before they ate the cookie, they would get another cookie.

They would get another snack. You know, a lot of kids didn't pass that. If you put Aros in front of me, I don't know, I'd pass that either. But the bottom line is they decided to go back about 20 years later and follow up with those kids. And the amazing thing is that the kids who were able to wait and hold off for that snack, they were able to wait 15 minutes when they were younger.

They actually progressed further in life academically. They didn't check the emotional status, so I can't report on that. So what does that mean? That means having that ability to assess what you really want, which is usually what you need. You know, I really want to be healthy so that I don't spend a lot of money on prescription drugs in 30 years.

Then what I really want. Turns into what my, my need is. I need to pay attention to what I'm consuming. I need to not eat this, I need to drink that. I need to pay attention. And after a while, these small domino effects of habits start to take shape.

I hope that this was somewhat of value for you today, , and that you learned something. If you did, I would love to, to hear from you at Betina in the rising.com and I also know that all of our time, this is valuable and I appreciate yours. So if you wanna leave a review, I would absolutely appreciate that as well.

New podcasts will be available on Tuesday, and I hope that this was inspiring for you. I enjoy talking about it and let's keep building one another up.