Dec. 10, 2024
Thriving Through Adversity: Deb Krier's Inspiring Journey from Cancer Diagnosis to Beacon of Hope
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What happens when life throws a curveball as daunting as a cancer diagnosis? Join on today's In the Rising Podcast episode with the remarkable Deb Krier, who shares her transformative journey from a stage zero to a stage three cancer diagnosis. Deb's story of resilience is not just about survival; it's about thriving with a warrior mindset and the healing power of humor. Discover how she turned her personal battle into a beacon of hope through her platform, tryingnottodie.live, inspiring others facing similar challenges to harness the power of positivity in their own lives.
Deb offers heartfelt insights into the courage required to ask for help and the importance of honest dialogue between patients and loved ones. By sharing real experiences, she highlights how illness can reshape relationships and personal outlooks. This episode is a powerful reminder of the role self-awareness and positivity play in navigating life's toughest moments, shedding light on how humor and honesty can become lifelines in the darkest times.
Rising Within Life Coaching - By Bettina Brown
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Chapters
00:05 - Navigating Life After Cancer Diagnosis
11:05 - Navigating Support and Honesty After Cancer
Transcript
WEBVTT
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Hello and welcome to In the Rising a health and wellness podcast for those going through and those supporting those going through cancer.
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My name is Bettina Brown and I'm board certified in physical therapy, wound care and lymphedema, and you know, for me cancer is very personal.
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It's affected my friends, my immediate and my not so immediate family, and therefore I created this podcast and fitafterbreastcancercom to address the multiple dimensions of our lives during and after recovery.
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Hello, hello, today my guest is Deb Krier.
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It took a little time for us to actually connect, but I'm so, so glad that we did and I am really excited for you all to listen to an amazing, incredible, hopeful person share her experience.
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Her website is tryingnottodielive.
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Her website is tryingnottodielive and she really has a calling on her to help support others and support those who are supporting those going through cancer kind of like me, but sometimes it does take a life change to get you to that point.
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Either way, enough of that.
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I am really excited for you to get to hear Deb Krier that I am really excited for you to get to hear Deb Krier.
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I want to pause and just say that this takes a lot of bravery and courage to share your story and I think that taking that initial pause is important because Well, thank you.
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Thank you, yes, I will answer any question you ask.
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So don't hesitate on that.
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The good, the bad.
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So don't hesitate on that.
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The good, the bad, the ugly.
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But I tell you what I'm funny.
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And I like to be funny.
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And my philosophy.
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I mean, you know, humor heals the endorphins, yada yada, all that stuff.
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But I also know that, especially with my care providers, they have really hard jobs and so if I can make them laugh, I'm going to make them laugh.
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You know, I had a great time.
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I was really surprised when they removed my port last week.
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I was alert the entire time.
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I mean, it was just a local.
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Now they covered up my face, but I told them.
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I said now you understand, I'm going to jibber, jabber at you the whole time and at one point I said see, you're going to.
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I told you you'd wish you would have knocked me out, but you know cause?
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I, you know we they were playing Christmas carols and I'm like sing along.
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And I, you know, let's just start there for a moment, because I it was one of my questions and the background is I was working with a patient who had just moved to New Mexico, where I live, and she did all of her cancer treatment at Johns Hopkins, and one thing she said as we were working on things, she said, you know, because she was spunky, you know she laughed a lot, and that was something that is more uncommon in my office, laughed a lot, and that was something that is more uncommon in my office.
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And she said, you know, I asked my doctors at Johns Hopkins what is the number one thing I can do?
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And they said have a positive attitude and remember to laugh, right?
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So I'd like you to just share about, like, were you always humorous?
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Or like, how did you navigate that?
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Because some people are more lighthearted, right?
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Just in general, I've always been the jibber jabber kid.
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You know my, my school report cards would have said never shuts up and sits down, um, you know, and?
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And I never met somebody that I didn't want to chat with.
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Uh, you know, and, and sometimes I'm.
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You know, they're not always appropriate, but I do believe that your, your mental attitude, is very important in this.
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Many years ago I worked for an oncologist in Denver absolutely wonderful man and I remember him telling patients now I was office staff, I'm not medically trained, but I remember him telling patients 99% of this is in your brain.
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If you think you will get better, you will get better.
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Maybe it's for five days, but you will get better.
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And if you think you're going to die, you're going to die.
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And he said it's all about that time period in between and how you live it.
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As to how you're actually going to live it.
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And that's powerful and it takes away the victim mentality that it's empowering.
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I ain't no victim, I'm a warrior.
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It even says it on my arm.
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That's awesome.
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That's awesome.
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So, cher, you have this awesome career.
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I've looked you up LinkedIn this and consultant this and amazing that.
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And then you have this disclaimer on there, this other thing that you have going on because of your personal life and the challenge and the warrior that came out of that trying not to die dot live and I'd like you to share a little bit about that moment of diagnosis to I'm creating a website.
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Well, you know my original diagnosis.
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I good kid you know I had gone in for my annual mammogram and they called and said you need to come back Now.
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In addition to working for an oncologist, I also spent several years working for the American Cancer Society.
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So I tell people I know just enough to be dangerous, right?
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And I knew that.
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That was not why I didn't smile pretty.
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And so I went back and what I was diagnosed with was stage zero about this, too much cancer with micro calcifications.
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So no lump, no bump, no, anything like that.
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It just these things that women of a certain age get as we age happens to everybody.
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In a very rare instance or unique, because I like to be unique.
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It does cause problems.
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And so, you know, I spent several months talking to a breast surgeon.
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She did some biopsies.
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Those all came back negative, you know, and and and then we decided let's pull some lymph nodes and eight of 12 lymph nodes were positive.
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So I went from stage zero to stage three, just poof, and and I didn't have an oncologist.
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So then got the oncologist and, who I absolutely love, love, love and excuse me, we decided to get it Now.
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I chose to do traditional treatment.
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I was going to do chemo surgery, radiation.
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I tell people, you got to choose what works for you.
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That was what I thought was going to work for me throughout my body.
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And I got a reaction because, like I said, I'm unique and I'm special.
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I got a reaction to the very first chemo treatment that less than 1% of people get and at that point in time I was the only person that ever survived it.
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It caused an issue that made me go into septic shock.
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I live five minutes from the hospital.
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They carted me off down there.
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The doctors argued over how fast I was going to die that day because I was in septic shock and I very distinctly remember thinking wait a minute, I get to vote in and out of surgery, icu, all sorts of things, not always my little chipper self, right, but you know, and so you know.
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Then obviously got out, had a double mastectomy, had a complication from that that the doctor had never seen.
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Because, hello, special, unique.
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And I tell people can I be normal?
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I just want to go back normal again.
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But then things went actually really pretty well.
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I sailed through radiation, had absolutely no complications from it, which was a little unexpected because I am a freckly little redheaded kid and so they were all kind of surprised by that.
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But you know, aside from basically the complications that were caused more from septic shock than anything I, you know, just kind of gotten back to having my life.
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I mean, you know, my kidneys were very severely damaged and so I've had some other things, I've had quite a few medical procedures, but you know I did keep working this whole time.
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I tell people hospitals and doctor's offices have really good Wi-Fi.
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As long as I have my phone I can work.
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Working this whole time I tell people hospitals and and uh uh, doctor's offices have really good wifi.
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As long as I have my phone, I can work my phone or a laptop right.
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You know we just keep going along.
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And, um, so have an absolutely fabulous business coach who knows my story and several years ago, after a discussion about what to do on, you know, with some LinkedIn training that I was giving she, she kind of paused and she shook her finger at me and I thought, oh, oh dear, what have I done?
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And and she said, you know, you didn't you, you didn't go through what you have gone through without using it to help others.
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And I said, yeah, but I don't want to be cancer girl.
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That was just not really what I wanted to do, but I also knew she was right and so you started this initiative of trying not to die, dot live.
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The name trying not to die comes from several things.
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The first part is the fact that when I was so sick, my mother came.
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You know, I'm an only child and I was literally on a death store.
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So she came out and one of the times when one of my wonderful medical people came and went, I got the disapproving mother face and I went what?
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And she said you did not say thank you.
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And I said, oh, for God's mom, I'm trying to not die here.
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And later on I thought about it and I thought you know that is so true.
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Anytime we have something catastrophic, serious that happens to us, we get so focused on trying to not die that we forget that we have to live.
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And tryingnottodiecom was taken.
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How rude.
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And GoDaddy, I believe, is where I get my URLs suggestedlive, and I thought, duh, right, and so that's really where that came about, and so it's just an initiative to advocate for those who are on this journey, whether they themselves are the actual cancer warriors or maybe they're supporting them.
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They're the loved ones, the coworkers, the medical people.
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How can we get through this journey a little bit better?
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And that's an incredible story.
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I mean, you really were trying not to die.
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You were at death's door and the door got slammed in your face and that's a blessing for all of the other people who can give an act of service.
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Is there a time throughout that where people were trying to support you and you thought I know what they mean or their intentions are, but how they're supporting me is not what I need and I don't know how to tell them?
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I don't want to be rude.
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I do want to tell them.
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I'm trying not to die.
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Share your thoughts on that.
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You know, I think a lot of times it was when they did nothing, and it was they did nothing because they didn't know what to do.
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You know they didn't want to make me feel worse.
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They didn't want me thinking, you know to, to, to be thinking about it, and I tell people, you know that elephant's in that room, let's address it.
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So you know you want to say hey, Bettina, I know you're going through this and I'm really sorry.
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Then you could decide how much further you want that conversation to go, decide how much further you want that conversation to go.
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You know, and, and, but you know I had, I had people who were very well-meaning and sent lots of information that I didn't want to hear about or read.
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I always did, you know, cause I thought there might be something in there.
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But you know, it was more the people who just really didn't know what to do, and so what happened was that I would think they didn't love me and of course they did.
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They just really didn't know what to do.
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It is almost like a death right.
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We don't know what to say and I tell people this is a grieving process.
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Our lives are never the same.
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Now my technical diagnosis is stage four, triple positive metastatic breast cancer.
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Stage four is not considered curable.
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Now I'm on year nine with with nothing, um, and now I have had two other cancer diagnosis but they have been unrelated, so I've had three totally separate cancers.
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Um, but but yeah, people, just they.
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They don't know what to do, they don't know what to say, and so they do nothing, and we really do think they don't love us, you know, and, and so we all have to give ourselves the grace to honor that.
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You know, and.
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But it's also, you know, as, as the person going through it, I need to.
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I can't expect that they're going to read my mind, you it.
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I can't expect that they're going to read my mind, you know.
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I can't expect that they're going to say, hey, do you want me to bring you dinner, if I haven't said I need somebody to bring me dinner, or I need a hug, or I need you to come sit with me.
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You know, whatever it is, we need to speak up ourselves.
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And it's not that we're whining, it's not that we're complaining, we're just being honest.
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And that is one of the best things is we just have to be honest with everybody and honest with ourselves to say I need a little help today.
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Yeah, when you talk about honesty with yourself and you're working and advocating for people and their loved ones, family, friends, et cetera.
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Do you feel that being honest with yourself is something that we find easy to do, or is that something that people kind of hide from more consistently?
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I'm pausing because I'm thinking it's kind of both.
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You know, I want everything to be okay also, so I lie to myself I can get through this, I'm going to be fine.
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You know and I don't want to acknowledge that, more than likely my expiration date got moved up Now I could just as easily get hit by a bus tomorrow, right?
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So you really don't know.
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But I think to actually face our own mortality is a pretty scary thing.
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You know, and and, and.
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So we don't, we ignore it.
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You know and and and.
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We also push through when we shouldn't.
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You know I I just had my port out.
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I was sharing with you earlier that I had my port out and because I'm allergic to surgical glue, they actually they didn't stitch it, they just put Steri-Strips.
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So I have this open wound.
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It's a couple inches, and the doctors told me now you need to behave yourself for a week or so.
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Let it be.
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You know, I got stuff to do Right and I would go to the point of okay, I'm going to fall over, when I should have stopped a little bit earlier, put an ice pack on my shoulder and said it's okay.
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But I think in many cases we as women do that right?
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You know, we keep going when everybody's sick, and we're sick too, but we just got to keep going, you know, and and or whatever it is.
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That's just kind of what we do, and and sometimes it actually makes things worse, do you?
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feel with your experience.
00:15:52.282 --> 00:15:57.149
And then the two additional cancers right, I've had someone who had five different kinds of cancer.
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Yikes, and you don't hear that so often.
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I think people think it's a one and done.
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Right.
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And sometimes you're fortunate that way, and sometimes you just get some more.
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Right, you just get some more.
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What would you say your view is on life?
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that is either the same or different after this experience.
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Several things.
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The first is obviously, you know, keep up on your medical exams and everything folks you know, make sure that you know if there's something there you're going to catch it early.
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My second cancer was basal cell carcinoma, which sounds absolutely horrible, but it's actually a very easy to treat.
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Skin cancer and I, like I said freckly little redhead kid, that was kind of a given that that was probably going to happen at some point.
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And then my third cancer was thyroid cancer and we actually found it, looking for something else, and they went, oh, that's not there, but oh, by the way.
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And so you know there's that.
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But one of the things you know.
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The second thing I've done is really tried to eliminate toxic people messaging all sorts of stuff just from my life which, let's be honest, it's been a challenge.
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The elections make stuff a little.
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You know all of those things.
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But just because it's there doesn't mean you can't change the channel or you don't have to read it, right.
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But then the third thing is to don't put off things.
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You know we've got our bucket lists right.
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Don't say in 20 years I'm going to do whatever it is.
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You know, do it now, do it when you can.
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You know, I've told my husband that the next big thing on our bucket list is a cruise to Antarctica and I'm going to go see penguins, you know, and that would be something that you would think, oh, we'll do much later in life, right, as a retired person.
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But you know, let's why, why not do it now, you know?
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And or even if it's just, let's go out for breakfast today, you know, don't, don't put those things off, because you really don't know.
00:18:09.306 --> 00:18:12.547
You know there were three times that my husband was told I was not going to make it, because you really don't know.
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You know there were three times that my husband was told I was not going to make it and obviously, three times I went.
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But who knows what's going to happen the fourth time, and that could be tomorrow, that could be 20, 30 years from now, you know.
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And but yeah, don't put stuff off.
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And finally, the last thing be grateful and tell people that you love them.
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You know, that's just kind of one of those things.
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Yeah Well, thanks for sharing that and the importance of the gratitude and of doing things now.
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I've shared a few times on this podcast that because of the way the cancer is in my family, I got genetically tested and I do have the breast cancer gene one of them, and I know that just because you have a gene doesn't mean you get it.
00:18:54.597 --> 00:19:17.759
But when you have components, high stress high stress, and stress does not have to come, and toxins just don't have to come from the food you eat the environment that you're in I cannot share with you how many women I worked with that were in stressful personal relationships and that you start to catch patterns.
00:19:17.940 --> 00:19:21.989
And the thing that I noticed after I did not have cancer.
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I had a cancer scare but I was like I'm going to live now and I'm not really into sending Christmas cards every year, so I don't send them every year.
00:19:29.701 --> 00:19:47.520
I'm going to take that time for something else and that's really important to have that joy in life, because that itself is contagious and healing, Right, Right, you know, and, and you never know I mean you know when you're grateful and saying thank you, smiling at people.
00:19:48.143 --> 00:19:50.852
Maybe you made their day, you know they, maybe.
00:19:50.852 --> 00:20:01.923
Maybe they were having an off day and you were the only person that was nice to them, you know, and so why not be that one person, and maybe somebody will go ooh, she was nice, I'll be nice also.
00:20:02.644 --> 00:20:04.188
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
00:20:04.188 --> 00:20:09.602
Share a little bit more like where can people find you, connect with you, learn from you.
00:20:10.796 --> 00:20:10.997
Well.
00:20:10.997 --> 00:20:13.863
Again, thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity.
00:20:13.863 --> 00:20:23.413
The website is wwwtryingnottodielive and you'll find all sorts of resources there.
00:20:23.413 --> 00:20:30.575
This podcast will be posted there, but lots of resources, and there is a link there to our private Facebook group.
00:20:30.575 --> 00:20:37.682
I encourage anyone to join the group, whether you have been anywhere around someone with cancer or not.
00:20:37.682 --> 00:20:57.146
We try and keep it fun and upbeat, but it is a support community, so sometimes there are some things that you know are maybe a little sad, but it is a great place, and so please join us on the Facebook group, and you can always find me on LinkedIn and on Facebook, and I'm the only redhead, deb Krier.
00:20:58.516 --> 00:21:01.080
Thank you so much for listening to this podcast.
00:21:01.080 --> 00:21:18.644
I have two requests One, if you feel that Deb Krier and her personality, her redheaded personality is someone that you feel connects with you, resonates with you, or you know someone who feel that would benefit from this podcast, please share it.
00:21:18.644 --> 00:21:25.788
It does so much to put this podcast and words of encouragement in the hands and ears of those that really need it.
00:21:25.788 --> 00:21:34.349
And the second request is if you feel or you know someone who feels that would benefit from Christian life coaching.
00:21:34.349 --> 00:21:40.701
I have Rising Within Life Coaching, which goes along with In the Rising podcast, and I have the website below.
00:21:40.701 --> 00:21:47.728
It is faith-based, but I also make no pretenses that I am the person who knows it all.
00:21:47.728 --> 00:21:48.308
I don't.
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I am just another person going through life, trying to make connections and helping support other people in ways I've been supported myself.
00:21:55.905 --> 00:21:59.296
So thank you again for continuing this podcast.
00:21:59.296 --> 00:22:08.537
It is almost its fifth anniversary and I'm so proud and honored to be with all of you and until the next time, let's keep building one another up.
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