From Darkness to Light: Eric Daddario's Inspiring Mentorship Journey 

[00:00:00] Bettina M Brown: Hello, and welcome to In the Rising podcast. My name is Bettina Brown, and I'm a physical therapist, owner of fitafterbreastcancer. com and a Christian life coach. And I really like to talk to people who have overcome something that they had to rise up through. And each area of life, whether it be financial, emotional, relational, or health wise is a part of that journey.

[00:00:36] Bettina M Brown: And so, with some of the conversations that I have with people, they share something that is life altering. To the point that there is no turning back from this event, either for them, their family or friends. And with the no turning back, that usually does imply a death. And my guest today is Eric Daddario, who shares the death of his brother, how he overcame this, and how he now looks to help others who are also going through addiction.

[00:01:11] Bettina M Brown: move forward and rise up to claim their lives. Thanks for being on In The Rising podcast. I'm really excited to have a conversation with you today. 

[00:01:21] Eric Daddario: Yeah, thank you again for inviting me on your podcast. I'm excited. 

[00:01:25] Bettina M Brown: So I really enjoy having conversations with people who have had some event and risen up from it.

[00:01:33] Bettina M Brown: And sometimes that's a very permanent event in, in someone's life. Um, this whole podcast started after I had a lot of conversations with people who were actively going through cancer, right? There's a major change. And for you, you also had a major change in your life. And I'd like to Kind of go into that event for you, how that changed really the course of your life.

[00:01:57] Eric Daddario: So I can go into the event briefly. Go over, and then how it changed my life, about six years ago, I'll never forget, on March 19th, 2016, we were sitting in my brother's hospital room, and I'll never forget that when the doctors came in, looked me dead in the eyes. My parents dead in their eyes and said, you're gonna have to say goodbye to your son.

[00:02:22] Eric Daddario: You're gonna have to say goodbye to your brother because. About a week earlier, he had overdosed on fentanyl and he was on life support. And those were some crushing, devastating words. And later that evening, my family and I surrounded my brother's bedside and the doctor came in and he pulled the tubes out of his mouth.

[00:02:47] Eric Daddario: He took the IVs out of his arms, the pads off his chest, and he slowly stopped breathing and he was gone. And never coming back. And I can remember vividly that moment. I'm just thinking, never going to get a chance to see him again. Never going to get a chance to talk to him. And it was just so devastating.

[00:03:06] Eric Daddario: It was a dark time in my life. And I really struggled with it for a while on many levels, for many reasons. Eventually, when I started coming out of that dark time, one of the things I kept thinking was, how could he avoid this? Like what, if he could have made a change, what could that change have been? To steer him down a different path.

[00:03:31] Eric Daddario: And I just thought to myself, decisions, if he had made healthier decisions, if he had made better decisions in his life, if he hadn't taken that first drink of alcohol, if he hadn't smoked that first blunt, if he hadn't popped that first pill, maybe, well, I firmly believe actually not, maybe I firmly believe he'd still be here today.

[00:03:51] Eric Daddario: So that's what really got me set out on this journey to help youth students, athletes. Make healthy life decisions when they're going through tough moments in life, or even if they're not going through tough moments to make healthy decisions to not go down those paths that my brother did that. 

[00:04:13] Bettina M Brown: So many do you know, and when you said, you know, you were there with your parents and you were, you heard you're going to have to say goodbye.

[00:04:20] Bettina M Brown: Like there's permanence in a physical this world. Goodbye to that. And you said there were decisions. Just to say goodbye and to agree to that was also a decision that is huge, right?

[00:04:34] Eric Daddario: Yeah. Well, you know, it's funny. Sorry to interrupt you, but it's funny. You say that I, that was the short version when they said that I didn't want to believe it.

[00:04:44] Eric Daddario: So, I looked at my parents and I said, no, all right, I said, no, we need to wait a few more days. Like give him a few more days. I firmly was just holding on to hope in any way I can almost trying to buy time because just thinking hoping he was going to come out of this. And then, you know, eventually he, he didn't.

[00:05:06] Eric Daddario: So, it's funny. You talk about that decision because I just, I was making the decision to try to do everything I could to hold on. And you could almost say by some time, because I was just hoping he was going to wake up. But you're right, you know, that that permanent, you know, decision to eventually say goodbye is permanent.

[00:05:29] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. Yeah. And with that to you, there's a lot of grief and there's a, you know, I don't think you ever just totally get over it, but you, you've used that experience to create a change and help other people, especially youth. Make better decisions because we are all the decisions we make and we are also the decisions other people make right and with all of that, you really emphasize the youth.

[00:05:55] Bettina M Brown: How old was your brother at that time when he passed away?

[00:05:58] Eric Daddario: We started making those that?

[00:06:05] Eric Daddario: So, for my brother, it was really social anxiety because he had a bald spot in his head and he was just so concerned, so afraid, so nervous of what others would think about him and not knowing how to deal with what he was going through in a healthy way, he started. Drinking, then smoking, then messing around with the pills and the drinking and smoking started to just numb that bald spot he had because it was just so much pain.

[00:06:29] Eric Daddario: He was so concerned about what others would think about and what they would say of how they would react. And so, to get those feelings, those emotions. To just not feel that way more. He made those choices in the beginning. So, he was in the 8th grade. 

[00:06:48] Bettina M Brown: That's when it all started for him and you point out something that relates to that.

[00:06:54] Bettina M Brown: We don't tend to just say, oh, I'm going to be on drugs 1 day like that. That does not come up and I feel like being an alcoholic. There is typically some sort of pain, something that we're using this to cope with. And for some people, a bald spot may not be a big deal, but when you are that person, it is a big deal when how you perceive yourself interacting with others, what you perceive your confidence is a big deal.

[00:07:19] Bettina M Brown: Anxiety is a big deal. And you really emphasize that now with, with the youth. Can you, can you go into a little more about that? 

[00:07:29] Eric Daddario: Yeah, you're, you know, you're 100 percent correct. The schools, the sports teams, when I go and speak to them without fail, I will have a handful of kids say, you know, something's really going on at home, or I'm really struggling with something, or my parents, my brother, my friend, something is going on in their life that is just really negatively affecting them.

[00:07:55] Eric Daddario: And it's not that they don't have the skills. They have the skills. But I firmly just believe that they don't know how to use those skills, right, to actually cope with what they're going through in a healthy way, or maybe they're afraid to. I really talk about, instead of making those unhealthy choices, ask for help.

[00:08:12] Eric Daddario: I talk about who to ask for help from, what to say when asking for help, and how to ask for help, how to start that conversation. Because I firmly believe those are the three things, the who, the what, and the how. And if kids can get a grasp on that and learn how to do that. And when they're going through these tough moments, when they're struggling, instead of making those unhealthy choices to drink, to smoke, to mess around with the pills or to even self-harm, right?

[00:08:39] Eric Daddario: This isn't just about drugs. Yeah. That's what my brother suffered from. But like, we're also talking about other things like self-harming, just negative ways of coping in life. When I talk about how to ask for help, that's what like, that's what we're really talking about when they're going through that tough moment to be able to deal with it in a healthy way, because let's get serious.

[00:09:01] Eric Daddario: Everybody, everybody in their life more than once. I'm going to say a handful of times and everyone's life. They go through tough moments, whether it's physical, whether it's mental, mentally, whatever it is. Everybody goes through tough moments and we just need to have those tools and we, you know, we have resources around us to help us get through those things.

[00:09:23] Eric Daddario: Instead of trying to deal with it on our own, putting our head down and try to just get through it because I want to be tough. I don't want to look weak. I don't want people to think that I can't do this on my own.

[00:09:47] Bettina M Brown: And what you said, it, it emphasizes isolation, right? Because when you are in that moment of feeling the anxiety and the pain, it's also isolating. Then that step is okay to ask for help. That means opening up a door and a lot of people may want to keep it closed because like what you said, looking tough.

[00:10:07] Bettina M Brown: And when you're talking about who can be with you and help you, what are you seeing as a barrier for people to even especially young people to even open up? To admit that they feel something that is uncomfortable, what, what resistance do you get from the kids you speak with? 

[00:10:28] Eric Daddario: Yeah, that's a great question.

[00:10:29] Eric Daddario: I'm just going to double down on. I don't want to look weak. Right? So that's actually that's 1 of them is I don't want to look weak, especially with the males. Right? I don't want to look weak. I'm supposed to be this, this man, even if they're, you know, in middle school, high school, a boy, you could say, cause they're not fully grown men yet, but they're just thinking to themselves, there's this stigma, there's this personification that I have to get through this on my own.

[00:10:54] Eric Daddario: I can't let anybody know what I'm going through. I'm a man, I can do this. And then, you know, I see a lot with the females with the girls, the woman is that they're embarrassed, right? And not to say the men are to the men are to, but the woman, they're embarrassed. They're ashamed. They're upset. They're very concerned.

[00:11:14] Eric Daddario: But what others will think about them of, you know, what they'll say of the judgments still have of the image that people will have. Because they're going through this. And again, it's important people realize that this is also for the men too, but I really think that the men really just, you know, they want to be able to get, I think that's really big with the men is they want to be able to get through on their own, but they have these things too, where they're embarrassed, they're ashamed, they're upset.

[00:11:40] Eric Daddario: And they're, they're really concerned about what others will think about them. And then another barrier to that. We really need a break is if I approach an adult, if I talk about what I'm going through, but let that guard down and be vulnerable. I'm going to get in trouble. The adult is going to look down on the adult is going to get me in trouble in some way.

[00:12:04] Eric Daddario: I'm going to get expelled. I'm going to go to detention. Something's going to happen. They're going to call my parents. I'm going to get in trouble. My parents are there. You know, and then when I go home, I'm going to get yelled at more is going to happen to me. But it's important. These kids realize that adults are on their team.

[00:12:22] Eric Daddario: Adults want to help them adults are here for them and that if they. It's funny because almost every single school, just about every single school I go to when I talk to, they say to me, just know that if they come to us and they say, I've been drinking, or I've been vaping, I've been messing around with pills.

[00:12:46] Eric Daddario: We're not going to get them in trouble. We just want to help them. We want to help them. But if we catch them in the act, it might be a different situation. It might be a different scenario. Right without fail, every school I've gone to, they have said that to me and I don't think these kids, I don't know if it's they don't believe it or they just they're they're also I think it's a mixture of they may they may say they just saying that I might get in trouble, but they're also.

[00:13:17] Eric Daddario: Two, as I said, they're ashamed, they're embarrassed, they're upset, what their peers are going to think about them, their parents, the judgment, they don't want to get in trouble. So I don't think there's just one thing. There's many, many things out there that are really resistant. They're really keeping the youth, holding them back from having this important conversation.

[00:13:37] Eric Daddario: And I think that, you know, I think that parents, teachers, coaches, we have to do a better job. We do. We have got to do a better job. Of being able to be that, I like to say, trusted adult for that son for the daughter or for your, if you're a coach for the player on your team, and we just, we have to let them know that I'm here for you.

[00:14:04] Eric Daddario: I want to help you if you're struggling. I'm on your team. I want to work with you, not against you. Because, as I said at the beginning, I can't stress it enough, if we have kids who are able to open up about what they're going through, then the suicides will go down, the substance misuse will go down, there's the self harm will go down, so many things you will see a decrease in, if we can really paint that picture to these kids of, I am here to help you, not, not to get you in trouble, to hurt you, But just to help you what you're going through.

[00:14:38] Eric Daddario: I want to help. Yeah. 

[00:14:40] Bettina M Brown: And with that too, I want to help. I think what will often what I've read about kids and, and, and as I'm learning more about them myself, I have a preteens or trying to get it, kind of get a feel for what's going on with them. Is that what people tell you they are experiencing, regardless of their age is real to them.

[00:15:03] Bettina M Brown: So even if you don't feel it's a big deal, they're going to grow out of it. You know, the kids, that's cool. I was bullied too, you know, and, and, and yes. And no. Right. We are globally bullied versus community bullied. Now it's a very different world that everyone has to deal with things in, and you are globally examined and judged versus just community and, and, and so it's, it's a huge scale as well.

[00:15:28] Bettina M Brown: And so as a coach, as a teacher, as any parent, to recognize whatever someone says they feel that is true 

[00:15:36] Eric Daddario: for them. Yeah. And that's, You know, that's another thing I hear, right? Again, on the wide spectrum, on the wide variety of things of, well, Eric, I've approached my mother and I've told her that I'm just really feeling anxious, somewhat depressed.

[00:15:57] Eric Daddario: And my mom says, ah, it's just a phase. You'll, you know, you'll get over it. And I always say to parents, when I talk to them, If your kid is saying that to you, they may get over it. It may, you know, it just may right now. They may just be in the dumps because of something. They may not be depressed. It may not be anxiety.

[00:16:15] Eric Daddario: It may not or it may just pass over. And at some point, but why wouldn't you help them with what they're going through? Because they're clearly going through something. And if you just say, you'll be fine. You brush it off. And the next time they're struggling, they're going to think twice about going to you because you said you almost said what they were saying isn't true, right?

[00:16:38] Eric Daddario: You weren't validating their feelings. You were basically saying, no, you're fine. Don't worry about it. Like, almost like you're what you're saying. It's not true. And that can be hard for someone to hear. Because having this conversation is truly hard. And just think about it. You, you gain all that courage.

[00:16:56] Eric Daddario: You gain all that strength to approach this adult that you feel like you can trust, and when you're finally ready to open up. They just basically shut you down and say, everything's fine. You'll be fine. You'll get over it. 

[00:17:12] Bettina M Brown: It's a rejection on top of your feelings at that.

[00:17:14] Eric Daddario: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And it's almost like, all right, I'm at square 1 now and now it's almost and now it's almost you could almost say it's a little worse because now it's like, I thought I could trust this adult.

[00:17:25] Eric Daddario: I thought they would help me. I thought they would validate my feelings. But now they just told me that, no, what I just told them, what I'm feeling isn't true. And now that gets them to think, and now they're thinking, I don't know if I can trust adults. I don't know if I can trust adults anymore with this.

[00:17:50] Bettina M Brown: And from some of the things I was reading, some people even doubt themselves, like, am I even, can I even trust my own feelings if no one's believing me and it makes you feel more isolated and less likely. To reach out, but say you do have an instance where someone reaches out to you. Um, you know, it says, Eric, I do feel this.

[00:18:06] Bettina M Brown: I do feel that what you said in that talk. That is how I feel. What is my step 1 as a, as a youthful person? Like, who do I, who, what, what characteristics am I looking for an adult to trust? And how do I do that? 

[00:18:22] Eric Daddario: Yeah, that's a great question. I love to dive into here. Just briefly go over those 3 things, right?

[00:18:28] Eric Daddario: The 1st thing is so right. Who's the best person to approach? And I always say, who's that teacher, that adult, that coach that you feel comfortable with opening up? Who, who do you have that comfort with? Because there's not a specific person that you have to have this conversation with it's honestly an adult.

[00:18:52] Eric Daddario: You feel you can trust that you have a relationship with that on a level where you feel somewhat comfortable opening up with because, I mean, let's get serious. It's never going to be completely comfortable, right? There's always going to be some discomfort. There is. And so it makes it a little easier.

[00:19:14] Eric Daddario: Also, you have a friend with you. So I always let the kids know if you can have a friend with you, you can let them know what you're going through and that you want to talk to somebody that it makes it easier. But I would say a trusted adult. And that can be your parents, your mother, your father. But I know from struggles I've went through talking to students, talking to athletes.

[00:19:33] Eric Daddario: It's hard to talk to your parents. So, a lot of times it's very hesitant because they come to more shame, more embarrassment, almost like I let you guys down. And so, on the side of your parents, a coach, a counselor, a teacher, an administrator, it can be your friend's parents. It can be an aunt, an uncle, a cousin, but it's just that person that you feel as though.

[00:20:02] Eric Daddario: Will listen that you feel comfortable talking with about this. [00:20:09] Eric Daddario: stage two? Yeah. Yeah. So who else? So now that we know who we're going to talk to, how, how do we approach them? What's the best way to approach somebody? And again, there's multiple ways you can do this. If you feel like you can approach them face to face, awesome.

[00:20:25] Eric Daddario: Approach them face to face. Let that guard down. And just let them know what you're going through. Talk about your emotions, your feelings, just be upfront. Now, when I say that, I'm not saying you've got to let everything out right away. You have to throw it all out there. It may take some time for you to actually fully open up to this person.

[00:20:48] Eric Daddario: And that's okay. That's all right. Right over time. But when you do open up and you do really talk about those things you're going through, I always like to say that is when you start dealing. And then healing from what you're going through. But let's say someone's listening right now and they're going, man, no way.

[00:21:06] Eric Daddario: I am not approaching this person face to face. That is too nerve wracking. That's too stressful. Well, that's fine. You have the person's email. You can always send them an email. You have their phone number. You can text them. You can call them. You're friends with them on social media. You can DM, you can message them.

[00:21:23] Eric Daddario: And when we do these types of things, when we don't talk with them, when we don't talk with them face to face. Or essentially, I guess you could say it in the phone too. And we DM them, we email them, we text them. What do you say? It doesn't have to be paragraphs and paragraphs of what you're going through.

[00:21:39] Eric Daddario: Just the simple, I'm really hurting right now. I'm really struggling. I need somebody to talk to. Would you be able to talk with me? I need your help. That's it. Just a sentence or two. And then when you meet up with the person, when you do talk with them, that's when you let the guard down, that's when you become vulnerable, right?

[00:22:00] Eric Daddario: That's when you just let them know what you're going through. And that's the third thing right there, right? So we know who a trusted adult, how to approach them. And number three, what do you say? You're just vulnerable with them. You're just honest. And you let the guard down and you talk about what you're going through, how you're feeling at your pace.

[00:22:17] Eric Daddario: That's the biggest thing. Not everything at once. If you don't want to, if you want to talk about it all right there and just dump it out. Awesome. Go ahead. If not, you need to take time. Great. Take more time. You go at your pace. Don't be rushed. 

[00:22:32] Bettina M Brown: And that's important for people to also know that no matter what age, because we learn it when we're young, but it's the same coping skills.

[00:22:41] Bettina M Brown: And I mean, you're going to have major things happen. Throughout your life, it's almost a guarantee, but the skills you learn. Help you later on in life and hiding from them is never a skill that is sustainable. It's is sometimes the what you need to do to get from a to B to make through that day or through that month, but eventually learning to cope with a lot of things is so important to and knowing that not everyone is your enemy.

[00:23:12] Bettina M Brown: I think sometimes in the youth, it feels that way, um, that you don't know who to trust, whether they're your age or not. And how do you let that go? So, you're going around now, Eric, you're, you're talking to schools, you're involved. And I think, is it the Heron project? Is that did I pronounce it correctly?

[00:23:29] Bettina M Brown: Yeah. All right. And, and what, what do you feel that you have now gained by really just connecting with so many people and connecting and learning and bringing up other people? Maybe that was not necessarily there or visible. I can't speak for your family, you know, with your brother's event, but how do you feel now?

[00:23:51] Bettina M Brown: Personally, like doing this for other people, you 

[00:23:53] Eric Daddario: know, there's. I have to make a living off this right when I go talk and stuff so that I, I do charge, but I mean, no paycheck. There is no, there is no amount of zeros. In my life that will ever compare to the joy that I, well, I guess you could say joy when somebody has the strength and the courage to approach me, or I hear they approach the teacher counselor to talk about what they're going through it.

[00:24:25] Eric Daddario: It's just it brings me so much joy and happiness to hear that somebody. That students that athletes take this 1st step and they start talking about what they're going through in their life because that's just such, it's such a big thing. And it's, it's, it's so impactful for people to take that 1st step because I know how hard it is.

[00:24:47] Eric Daddario: And so there's, there's nothing else in my life. I'd rather be doing than this. It just, it makes me feel so good to be able to help those who are struggling to take that 1st step. And start talking about what they're going through. 

[00:25:04] Bettina M Brown: So see, you know, people are listening to this and, and they might be, you know, they are the adults listening to this and they will likely have youth where they feel there's a gut feeling something's going on, an aspect.

[00:25:18] Bettina M Brown: How can we reverse it? How do you, as an adult, make yourself Available without blurting out. Hey, something's not right. I can tell something that how, how can you, what can you say or do or act to maybe show yourself to a youthful person that you're 

[00:25:36] Eric Daddario: available? Great question. That's a great question. I don't think you tiptoe around it.

[00:25:41] Eric Daddario: I think if you just, you, you, you, you sit them down and you say, look at. I want to make sure everything's okay, right? Whether it's a mother, whether it's a father or whether it's it's it's a boyfriend of a mother's child or, you know, vice versa, you just or even if it's just a brother or a sister, you sit them down and say, look, I really care about you.

[00:26:04] Eric Daddario: And it's important, you know, that I'm here for you. If you're going through anything, I want to help you because I truly care about who you become what happens to you where you go in your life. And the key is, though, to listen. I always say we have one mouth and two ears for a reason, right? We don't try to just talk with them, and if they do open up and say something, we say, we need to do this.

[00:26:32] Eric Daddario: You need to do that. You should, you just listen, listen to them, validate their emotions, validate their feelings. 

[00:26:42] Bettina M Brown: And we all need to learn who is available for our feelings and who is not there to carry them at that moment. And when that's... Kids reaching out, then that's definitely where we are need to be available for others.

[00:26:54] Bettina M Brown: So say someone's listening. They'd like to learn more about you. How can they learn more about you, Eric? 

[00:26:59] Eric Daddario: Yeah, so I have a website it is the decisions we make dot com and that has all my information on it. If you want to book me, there's a page to book me. My email, if you want to find out more is Eric at the decisions we make dot com have any questions or you want to set up a time and date to to talk with more me more about how I could impact your students or your athletes or even a youth group, like the YMCA or or any youth group in your area.

[00:27:33] Eric Daddario: how I could come in and impact them and helping them make healthy decisions. And then you can also find me on Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, at Eric Daddario. So those are all the ways to get ahold of me. 

[00:27:48] Bettina M Brown: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for your time, Eric. I think you had a lot of valuable. Information and thanks for sharing that pretty deep and heartfelt story.

[00:27:57] Bettina M Brown: I think as a person listening, I hear the words what you're saying, but I can definitely feel where you're coming from. And I think the youth that listened to you feel where you have been as well. And that that is a gift to share, um, for your family and in memory of your, your family's 

[00:28:12] Eric Daddario: loss. Well, thank you for having me on, on the podcast.

[00:28:16] Eric Daddario: I really appreciate it. 

[00:28:19] Bettina M Brown: This was a good conversation to have, but I'll be honest. It was a hard conversation. There's so much passion and energy behind Eric's voice and behind his mission because of the loss of his brother. And, and that is something he carries forever. And his mission is to make sure that others.

[00:28:39] Bettina M Brown: Do not feel the same thing. And so really my quest today and my question for you is to share this with someone that you think would benefit from it, whether they would be that responsible adult or if you know someone that would be able to share this with someone who's going through anxiety and depression and need someone to connect with.

[00:29:02] Bettina M Brown: Needs to know that there is a door on the other side of whatever they're going through. So I thank you so much for being here. I welcome you to look at the show notes and get all the information that you need. And I thank you so much for your time. Let's keep building one another up.