45: [Interview] Nita Patel- Combining sophistication and simplicity to improve confidence!

[inaudible] hello and welcome to in the rising podcast. My name is Matina brown, and this is the platform that I've chosen to talk about living a life that's in alignment with our hopes, our dreams, and our goals,

And basically leaving behind the shame blame game that does nothing for us, except keep us in ever ending cycles of depression and sadness and unfulfillment. You know, there are times we have conversations with people and we know during the conversation that our energy is lifting up, we are more excited about life and have a better brighter view of it. And leaving the conversation. We know a hundred percent that going forward, we are going to implement some of the things that were talked about. We just know, we feel good that our bones are vibrating at a positive energy. And that is exactly how I felt after my conversation with Nita Patel, who is a phenomenal woman, helping other women, empowering other women, and has a great platform that she stands on as well. She's a coach, she's a mother and she is just an entrepreneur doing a wonderful things. She just published her book, boss vibes, self-esteem success and the art of etiquette. And we delve a little bit into that book as well as her purpose in writing this book and the following interview. So without further ado, here's the interview with Nita Patel.

So I'm very excited about today because I get the opportunity and all of you get the opportunity to meet Nita Patel, an artist, a speaker, a coach, an author, and last but not least a mother. And I'd like to welcome Nita to the show today. And it's really wonderful to finally speak with you and get this opportunity to get this interview going. So where are you calling from today?

I am in Dallas today.

Well then you're in the neighboring state. I'm in New Mexico.

Okay. Um,

So I had a chance to read a short bio about you and I felt immediately connected to you because I've also had the chance to grow up on both sides of the Atlantic. Um, now there are really wonderful things that come out of that, but then there can also be some trials. And you had mentioned in your bio that you would attempt to mold into your environment here in the U S by disguising your English accent. Would you share a little bit more about how this experience was and how it shaped you?

Yeah, absolutely. Um, so I I'm sure like you've experienced, you know, I recall one specific incident when I was here in the states and it was in fifth grade, I was standing in line for recess and there were these kids behind me making fun of me because they didn't understand me. And , um, you know, they kept saying things to the effect of how I couldn't speak English. And so they kept, you know, they said it once, twice the third time, I think about the fourth time I heard it. And I, you know, I grew up in, I was born in London and , um, you know, I went to school there as well as in Dallas. And so someone telling me that I can't speak English. I mean, that just blew my tongue up. And so I snapped and I turned around and I was like, no, you can't speak English. You don't even know English. You know, he said, you speak American and that's not the same thing as English. Um, and , and there was a long moment of pause followed by laughter. And that was my teaching moment. You know, those are the moments where we learn how to, you know, they, it's a kind of a belief setting moment if you will. And so I set the belief in that moment that if I blend and hide myself, then I'm going to be accepted. And so that was the day that I decided I was going to learn American, you know, because these kids were not smart enough to speak the real English. And, you know, they couldn't even spell English correctly. I had to learn a whole new way of spelling, but if I want it to be accepted and if I wanted to have friends, I was going to have to learn the American way of speaking. And , um, you know, it was easy for me because I was, you know, it's in those moments where we are kind of, I don't want to say suffering, but in those moments of panic is sometimes where we come up with the most brilliant solution for ourselves. And I think that's what happened for me. You know, I came up with a solution in that moment and I learned, and I, you know, I, I knew that people in both countries were different and it was my job to adapt, you know, based I w where I , um, based on where I was. So I think the phrase when in Rome was very fitting, although I did not know it at the time.

Yes, absolutely. And that, that can be very traumatic to , you know, when you are trying to fit in and there's the separation, you know, and that , and that's especially hard when we're younger as well when you're trying to fit in, especially with that, for sure. But I would never, I would, I think your English is right. You were speaking to the correct English when we were speaking the wrong stuff over here on this side. So that kind of blending in was a coping strategy. When you were younger, do you feel that coping strategy was something that was helpful for you or did it become harmful later on?

Um, you know, I th I think it's both. I mean, I certainly think it was more helpful because I was more cognizant and respectful to other people's cultures, no matter, you know , who they were, where they came from. And I really tried to understand where people are coming from so that I can connect with them better as an adult. Uh, it , it helped me in my career and it helped me expand my personal experiences when I traveled as well, because you just are automatically, you know, you just assume that everything is different in a different culture, in different land, in a different country. And so it was almost like you look forward to, okay, I'm going to learn some new words in a different language here. Uh, so I think in that sense, it was, it , it was certainly a very positive thing. I would say maybe the downside to that was, you know, when you feel like, or I should say, when I felt like I was kind of going outside of the box, I had to kind of put myself back in the box to fit in. Um, and so I think that prevented me from being who I really was until I learned, you know, how to kind of step outside of that place. And so I think that conditioning, that belief system, you know, until I learned to step away from that, that kind of, it was my shadow for, for a long time.

And I like the way you described it, that you were trying to be inside that box and then being outside that box was more in alignment. What it sounds like with who you really are, and

It's liberating, right. It's yeah. It's certainly liberating when you're not trying to fit into what people, what society or people, you know, think you're supposed to be, or do or act or whatever it might be.

Absolutely. Do you feel that took a process for you need to, to learn, to be comfortable outside of the box, you know, comfortable in your own skin?

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I think you have to make a decision that you are going to be authentic to yourself and you owe it to yourself to, you know, find that alignment. And it's , it's certainly a journey. It's not something that happens over night .

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that ties in with this actually next question that I have for you. So my podcast title is called in the rising, and a lot of that came about because I really love Katy Perry song rise, where she associates rising with not just surviving, but actually thriving. What do you think are two experiences in your life Nita that are pivot points that helped you rise to your current level living outside of that box?

Um, I would say, you know, there's, there's many moments , um, that I could share, but one that kind of stands out to me right now is when I was , um, at my doctor's office one day. And , um, you know, he called me because he wanted to discuss my lab work with me, which was not a big deal for me at the time, because I had had plenty of surgeries and , um , I had feminine body parts that were not cooperating with me. So it was really nothing new, you know, I had , um, I had parts and , um, of my ovaries removed over time. And , uh , so, you know, he calls me in to discuss my results. So it's not a big deal. And , um, but that day he, you know, said, oh, by the way, you have some precancer cells. And I'm like, what , uh, you know, he said, I'd like to see you in 30 days, we're going to monitor this, you know, it could go away or it could turn into, you know, full blown cancer. And I said, oh, okay, well, that's great. Um, you know, and I just had this glazed over look on my face and he looks at me and , and I had been going to him for about 20 years. So, you know, he knew me pretty well. He looks at me and he's like, I'm going to see you in 14 days. I think I had this, you know, look like I had seen, I go stuck that moment. Um, and I didn't really know what was going on, you know, I've trying to process what he just said, but I really wasn't sure how to process it. Um, again, you know, not being able to be vulnerable , um, was one of the things that just kind of helped me keep my composure in the moment. Um, and he looked at me and he said, I want to make sure you're okay. And I was like, all right, whatever, you know, I didn't know what was going on in the moment I got dressed and, you know, it was waking up making my way out to check out and , uh, as I'm walking out and I it's like this happened in slow motion, I remember closing the door to that , uh , room. And I thought to myself, oh, no, no, I'm , I'm done with this. You know, this is it. I am not having any more surgeries. I'm not coming back to the doctor. I am done with all of this in my life. I was just so tired of , um, you know, allowing life to happen to me. And it was in that moment that I decided I was going to run my life. You know, I wasn't going to let it happen to me. And that was pretty much it. I never went back to see him, you know, until my next annual, which was actually, I waited a little bit longer , um, to go back and see him and almost a year and a half later. But it was a decision that I made that I am going to take control of my life and just about everything in my life changed after that moment , uh, the people around me, you know, what I was doing, how I saw the world , uh, the things that I was investing in, you know, I had never really learned to invest in myself , uh , until this pivotal moment. And so it was a pretty big moment , um, you know, pretty big life changing moment for me, I would say.

Absolutely. Gosh, thank you for sharing that. That is a huge moment , um, for you and I can hear it, your voice, just the, that there was a Nita before and Anita after. And , um, I also hear some pride in your voice of how you shifted to where , uh, you were going to not let life happen to you, but be invested in the action steps of your life with that. That's very powerful. And you also mentioned in your bio that you are now coaching, or you have coached executive women to feel confident and comfortable in front of crowds. So how did you actually end up in that position? Was that before or after , um , this pretty big pivot point in your life? Um,

It was actually before , um, you know, I , I had always had a passion for helping women , uh, and even my coaching today is really focused around supporting women. I feel like, and, you know, I I'm equal opportunity by all means. Um, I'm not never going to turn someone away who is asking for help, but I just feel that men are raised with more confidence when they're young and , um, women are way , uh , raised to , uh, be very conscious of other people's feelings around us. And, you know, we have to be perfect in so many different ways. And so I just feel like women need that extra support of confidence. And so I've always had a passion for helping women. Um, and in this particular time I had , uh , launched this group at the company I was working for , um, a women's group. And so I would have to ask, you know, executive women to come and speak at our monthly forums. And they would ask me for feedback at the end of the , um, event. And I never thought anything of it, you know , until someone on my , um, on my team pointed it out to me. And so one day there was an executive who spoke and then she came up to me and she said, you know, how did you think I, how did you think that that went ? How , how do you think the event went? How was my presentation? And I didn't hesitate, you know, and I don't know if this was my lack of awareness at the time or what, but I didn't hesitate. And I said, well, you know, it was great, but you know, to engage with the audience, maybe you could make a little more eye contact so that they really connect with you and, and they feel your words. And I just started, you know , blurting out all these things. And, and so a couple of the ladies who were on this team , um, of this group, you know, they reached out to me afterwards and they're like, I cannot believe you just said that to her. And that's when I, you know, pause. And I was like, oh, was I not supposed to? But I guess it was just natural for me to provide that feedback. Um, you know, that was a part of my subconscious that I didn't filter ideas as with everything else that I did filter , um, uh, you know, but I felt like, I felt like it was my place to , and , and I had been in front of crowds since I was very young. I was very fortunate, you know, in some way or another, I was either speaking or singing or dancing or something. And so I had much of a less , um, you know, stage fear because of everything that I had gone through as a child, you know? And so, so I just didn't think twice of it, you know, when someone asked me that, but yeah, the I, that happened a few times and I think after some people said some things to me, I was a little bit more conscious of how I gave my feedback. Um , but it was, it was a little shocking to me, you know, after I analyzed all of it. And I was like, huh, that's interesting.

So you were surprised that they were like, wow, you gave really good feedback, but you were just, that was comfortable for you. You know, you wanted to help someone be more effective in their presentations and you were not going to , um , to hide behind it. You wanted them to be the best they could be. Does that sound?

Yeah, I mean, absolutely unfiltered, you know, I wanted to help. And , um, I think that, you know, like I said earlier, especially for women, you know, you don't realize, and here's an interesting statistic that I'll share with you. Um, which I didn't know, of course at the time , um, at the time I just felt like I was doing what was right. But you know, now looking back, it's very interesting because women who entered the workforce, I believe it's 27% of women think that they're going to reach upper management. And by the time women gain enough experience to get to that level, only 13% of women feel that they can actually, you know, get a title , um, for upper management for an upper management position. And so think about, you know, that's an , uh , such an incredible and an appalling statistic

And a large number,

Right? I mean, after you have so much experience, you just don't feel you're good enough to get that title. Uh, and so I think that that's, again, you know, that's where I feel the need to support women to build that confidence or rebuild the confidence, you know, remove those layers of inhibition and say, you know , you can have what you want.

Yes, yes. Were you surprised by the number of women? Like I'm surprised by that statistic, but were you surprised that so many women did not have confidence in the corporate world regardless of their education level?

I did. I did. And especially with titles, you know, you think that someone has a , a VP or senior VP title in a large organization. You think that, you know , they've made it, they've checked all the boxes and, you know, they're successful and everything is, you know, perfect in their lives. Um, but you know, it doesn't matter who you are, where you are. Life is a journey for everyone. And , um, I , I, you know, I, to me, it's, I've learned to have compassion towards everyone no matter who they are, where they are. I think we all will constantly need that push. Um, you know, we all need a coach to help us , um, meet that next milestone, get to the next goal , um, you know, achieve that next dream. We all need a coach. And so I think compassion is the word that comes to mind when you , um, when you ask me that,

I think that's great. I think that's a great word because compassion is something that we could all have a little bit more of in our world, regardless if it's a small room or a larger place, you know, just having compassion for one another is huge. And I'm glad you said that I'm really glad you said that and compassionate with ourselves right. Through our journey. Of course, absolutely. So I am really excited to talk about your book, boss vibes, self-esteem success, and the art of etic etiquette. You have a sentence in there and I'm going to quote this if that's okay. Sure. New version of you will not only be polished and respected, but you will be bursting with confidence and self-esteem. So I was super energized just by that sentence. And I love this sentence. What, what are ways you believe someone can start becoming a new you when you're maybe in a coaching way or someone reading your book? What are some ways that being a new you can be produced?

You know, I would say pick an area of your life. Uh , the book covers a lot of different aspects. It covers how you dress, how you conduct yourself in the workplace, you know, how you conduct yourself out and about , um, when you travel, when you're at a restaurant, I mean, there's so many different components, but I would say no matter what area of life you're trying to improve, it's just a two degree shift. And that's, you know, it's the simplicity, the message of simplicity that I want to share in my book. I want to make it very easy for someone to, you know, share a tool, to make them feel better or elevate their mood. And so it's just one or two things that you have to do differently in an area where you can make that shift. So I'll give you a couple of examples. Um, you know, like when you're getting dressed for your day , um, you don't have to go out and buy a new wardrobe, you know, where the things that make you feel good , um, as you're prepping for your day, but, you know, take a limp , a limp brush roller and roll your , um, roll your outfit before you put it on, you know, iron it or steam it , um, pay attention to make sure that your shoes are clean, you know, or shined. Um, it , it's just all the little details that really make you stand out that elevate you as a person, as a brand. Um, you know, whether it's personal professional, it's all in the details. Uh, another example I can give you is I talk a lot about in the communications chapter, I talk a lot about body language and that's something that I go much deeper into in my programs is how to leverage your body language, to boost your mood. And so, you know , this is a classic kind of a , almost a cliche pose where, you know, you see a man with his legs up on the desk at his hands behind his head. I'm doing it right right now, as I'm saying,

I was imitating it on this side

Power pose, it's a, it's a cliche , um, pose . But when you put yourself in that pose, in that position, stay in it for two minutes, it actually changes the hormones in your body because of the positioning. And so there's a physiological reaction based on how your body is, you know, whether you're slouched or whether you're sitting up straight. And that position actually reduces cortisol levels. It increases your testosterone, leaving you feeling so much more confident. And so, you know, I share things like this because that's the two degrees shift when you're about to walk into a difficult conversation, or you're about to walk into a big presentation that you might be nervous about, you know, shut the door of your office or wherever you are, you know, go in a private place, do that body post for two minutes, and you're going to automatically your body, you know, your, your body chemistry is going to change and it's going to leave you feeling more confident. And so these are, I think , just simple secrets and tools and techniques that we can all apply in in day, every day. It's such a, you know, small and easy , um, easy thing to do.

That's a , that's a really powerful example. Um, and what I really like about it is that you express, it's only like a one to two degrees shift, small actions make big results and small actions with small actions add up because I feel many people myself included can at times be in , uh , like , uh , Olivia overwhelmed, you know, just there's so much. And I want to change so much and I, I have these goals and desires, but my goodness, there are so many things that I have to do, but you're describing, you know, it doesn't take everything all at once. It can do small things. And when you were talking about, you know, getting dressed. And so what I really like was just the attention to detail about taking care of yourself and our presentation. I believe we certainly have gotten very lax and that has its benefits, but when we dress up, there's a different pose and a mindset that goes into presenting your best self, you know? And , uh, it , it doesn't matter what the price tag is, it's you. And when you feel good about you, that is what your biggest thing will be, that shines out your confidence. And so anything that can help that, you know, it doesn't take much to just Polish your shoes or wipe them off, or take a lint roller, you know? Yeah. It was very practical.

Right, right. I mean, we're not trying to revamped our whole closet here, you know, it's, it's just tidying up and, and learning that the things that you wear that make you feel good, then things that you wear, you know, like your favorite dress, for example, you know, you put on your favorite dress and you're going to stand a little bit taller. You're going to feel much better about yourself. You put on your favorite pair of heels. Um, you know, it's a different feeling that you're walking in. And so how can you keep that confidence all day? You know, you don't want to wear your favorite pair of heels all day. No , no, you don't know , you know , even those will hurt at some point, but, you know, it's just, how can you apply different ways throughout your day to keep feeling amazing it at the end of the day, it's all about how you experience every day. Right? We chase , um , we chase this abstract idea of happiness and success, and it's really in the small things of how we live our day.

Absolutely. I like, I like the way that you put that, what prompted you to just follow through on writing a book? Because I had looked up that statistic is that 97% of people feel they would like to write a book in their lifetime and 3% actually start writing it, but only 1% actually publish it. What prompted you to follow all the way through what was your energy?

Wow. Um, I would say there was a point in my career where I had interviewed and hired so many people in a very short span of time. And , um, also I had managed a lot or a large group of , um, a large team at the time. And it was just amazing to me how people showed up, how they presented themselves expecting to, you know, get a job or get a promotion , um, how they would conduct themselves in the office, but then have completely opposite expectations. Um, you know, the personal presence was one thing when people showed up to interviews, it was just little things like that. There was this lady one time, I'll tell you a quick story. There was a lady one time who came to an interview and, oh my gosh, I don't think that I heard anything. She said because she had these gigantic dangling earrings that were just, you know, moving the whole time. And her nails were painted some glittery color. She had big rings on and all I was doing is washing, you know, watching all this sparring jewelry, moving pieces on her. I honestly don't know what she said. Um, but she really wanted the job and, you know, she really needed the job and it was unfortunate that she didn't prepare herself. You know, she didn't prepare and do the research to say, this is the culture of the company that I'm going to interview in. You know, this is how people dress there . This is how I should, you know, present myself. And so it's all those little things, the awareness that I talk about , um, that's the awareness that you have to form when you, you know, do your research when you're going to interview for a job, she didn't do any of that. And so, you know, unfortunately she didn't get the job because it was not going to be a good cultural fit, you know, despite everything else. Um, but you know, it's just that awareness. And I think I saw that so much and I saw a gap because I don't think that people were being told, this is how you need to show up, and this is why you need to show up. And so I think it was that moment that, you know, I felt really compelled to share this information with the world. And I think even in our digital age , um, you know, we seem to be getting lost in our devices when we're out and about in public. And, and so I think it was just a couple of things like that. That really made me say, okay, I'm going to write this down and I'm going to share it with the world because it's the right time to do it. Absolutely.

I love, I love that. And that, you know, you were trying to help the next individual, but you know, it , it does, you know , learning about the culture and learning how to present yourself into different environments because we can be outside of that box. But then if we are going to work at a certain place, we have a culture, a box that we have to somewhat be within in order to help that company move forward. Um, and so learning to navigate that is certainly important. I love that you wrote this book. I, I really am excited. I love, I love the title boss vibes. I really do. I think that is really , um, it can be a boss, whether it is with a title or not. Absolutely. I love her . Sure, absolutely. So this is a question I'm just going to ask everyone, what does rising to your best self regarding meta Patel look like writing to my best self? Yep .

Okay. Um, I would say, so is this is this as if I was in the future, is that how you're acting ? Okay. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I would say, you know, take advantage of the moment. I think that's living in the present and taking advantage of the opportunities in the present moment. I , I would say is the biggest lesson when you act on something, when you make a decision, that's when life happens for you. And for me, whether it was the book that I decided to act on, or, you know, other decisions that's when you find your path, that's when you find alignment in your purpose. Um, I think we spend too much of our time living in the past or the future. And so w it almost prevents us from making decisions in the moment and that prevents us from finding our dream , um , or living our dream rather. So I w I would say that's one key message that I would share.

I think that's an excellent message. I think that's an excellent message. I would love for you to share what projects are you currently working on and how can listeners learn more about you and connect with you?

Absolutely. So I love that you shared the book statistic. Um , that is one of the programs that I'm offering right now. I am offering a, write your book in 90 days, and it starts at the end of the month and 90 days, I'm going to equate that to 12 weeks. And I know we have some holidays coming up here. Um, and so, you know, it'll carry over. Um, those weeks will carry over. We will skip the holiday weeks, but it is about helping you get your book started and finishing it. We're going to go through the whole process. And , um, I'm also going to, you know, share publishing options with you that I have partnered with some various companies. And so I really want to provide, you know , that is kind of my give back is to help people get their book written because I knew what a journey it was for me. And if I had some coaching and direction, I know I would have finished my book a lot sooner, so programs that I'm offering, and it's a great return on investment. If you've been doing something for a long time, and you, you are an expert in your field, you know, this is the way to add your credentials. It's a way to , um, you know, just elevate your authority in that field. I think it's just an incredible , um, thing that opens doors for you. So that's one thing I'm offering. Um, the other thing that I'm offering is I have a, also a 12 week course that is called elevate your inner boss vibes . And it's all about, you know, clearing out kind of working through our inner awareness through various aspects, whether it's our fears, whether we need to address the idea of forgiveness, clearing out all the junk, I'll call it , um, from your past so that you can imbibe these, this two degrees shifts that I talk about in my book, you know, really understand how to have your presence and confidence, because when you're confident, you make decisions, you make the right decisions rather. And when you make decisions , um, you know, doors open up for you. And so I think it's very powerful being able to learn tools and techniques for that. So , um, you know, we do inner work, we do outer work, and then we talk about how to turn your dreams into goals. And so that is also a 12 week program. You can find me@nita-patel.com , and you can submit an inquiry there, or you can email me directly@reachmeatnita-patel.com.

And I'm going to have that in our, a little description below, but this is phenomenal, phenomenal work. And it sounds, you know, you're living that golden rule. You're gaining more by giving what you've learned from your experiences. So through the book writing, and then also this other 12 week course elevate your inner boss because we each have one, I think this is, these are excellent, excellent things that you're doing, phenomenal things you're putting out there into the world. Absolutely. This has been a lot of fun for me. So thank you so much for your time today. And I encourage anyone to get your hands on her book, boss vibes, self-esteem success and the art of etiquette. And after you've read the book and you start using these wise tips that she shared on today's podcast and in her book and gained insights, please leave a review. This does so much to not only promote the book Nita herself, but also the books availability and her programs, availability that she described today to make a larger impact on a larger group of people. So this is phenomenal stuff. I thank you so much for your time today, Nita. It was such a pleasure.

Oh, thank you so much for having me. It was, I enjoyed our conversation very much. Thank you.

I did too. And I will be really excited about looking into your different programs. Um, I think this is great work and I love what you're doing for women that is , um, oh, you know, women empower othering. Other women is just a great, great energy to put out there.

Thank you. Yes, certainly my , my Mo my mission

And you're fulfilling it. And thanks for your time today.

Thank you so much.

There were so many fantastic nuggets of information and Juul is of information that Nita gave in this interview. And just, I love the comment about having the confidence so that you will make better decisions. And then with these great decisions that you've made, you will actually put them into action. And action is the antidote for fear is the antidote for lack of motion. And it is what's going to get you towards your dreams. I am going to tell you guys a little secret at the end of this interview, that I had a different platform set up for us to conduct the interview. And sure enough, there was an error message and technical difficulties as there are always, and in the beginning of our time together where I was frantically emailing her, let's do it on this platform. And she just shifted from one thing to another and just was smooth sailing all the way. So I am so thankful for that, but I am also grateful for all the listeners. And I'm excited for you to learn more about Nita and just learn more about empowering you gain more by giving. And that is exactly what she exemplifies. So until next Tuesday, when I'll see you guys again, let's keep building one another.