And welcome to In the Rising Podcast. This is the platform for which I talked to you about living a life without the captivity of guilt and regret so that you can use your self-worth to live. Independent and free and awesome life. Why? Because somewhere deep down, you know, there's a disconnect between the you, where you are now, and the you that you were created to be.

My name is Bettina Brown and I am your host of this podcast. And let me start off by saying that I am not a licensed counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist. But I am a student of life and a healthcare professional who loves to have conversations about what makes us, us, and to do a lot of research. And I'm a definite book worm and love to read about multiple topics of which loving yourself and goals for life are just a part of.

So welcome to episode 12, and today we're talking about the difference between self-love versus narcissist. and I was prompted to look more into this because there were some posts, because I'm still scrolling that debate this. So, for example, some religious groups look at this whole self-love concept as a negative that we should be loving and giving to other people.

Self-love and self-worth that comes from giving to others. And that it's actually. we're promoting narcissism. And I have to say I don't agree with that. I feel there is a definite difference and. My opinion is absolutely not, they're not the same. So, self-love or self-love deficiency, is now called the self-love deficiency disorder.

And a lot of this information that I'm getting is from Ross Rosenberg, who is a licensed counselor and has written really great articles and powerful books, including the human magnet syndrome. Which I will have in the description box below, and he is on YouTube talking about this as well. But back to self-love deficiency disorder.

He talks a lot about this and that there are multiple layers to this and that this usually stems from a person feeling that they have no self-esteem, they have no self-worth outside of what role they play to someone else. I'll go into that in a little bit more in a second because I'm now going to talk about narcissism, which is called narcissistic personality disorder.

There are many different types, but it is also described very well by Ross Rosenberg as it also relates to having low self-esteem. But their way of coping is to inflate their self-worth, require constant and excessive admiration, and think they are special people who deserve an incredible amount of attention, money, influence, basically more.

They deserve more, they deserve more. And a resonating theme among narcissists is that they lack empathy. That they are not able to step outside of themselves. Look at something from another person's view. And so after reading and even taking my own life in the picture of everything, taking my life and putting it into different sections where things have gone and where I felt my.

My space was, was in the self-love deficiency area, and when you're in that area, you tend to attract what you don't have. So when you don't have attention, you attract people into your life that require a lot of attention. When you don't feel very confident in your presentation, you attract people that do present that in their presentation now that they may have just as low self-esteem as you.

is beside the point. It's their presentation. And from this comes this other concept that has been talked about several times, and it may be a little bit familiar to you as well, is this idea of codependency. So between people who really lack. Their self-worth and have self-love deficiency. They really attract and have probably a lot of people who are narcissistic in their life.

And what I really enjoyed about the book, The Human Magnet Syndrome is that this can even be a generational issue. That somewhere along the line, someone's grandfather was very narcissistic. And so those kids fall into one, one or two categories, absolutely pleasing that narcissist all the time, and they get exactly what they're craving, which is attention and praise, becuase the narcissist won't give that much or they're on the other end where they become a narcissist themselves.

And then those people have kids and then those people have kids. And at some point we really do carry the burdens and the emotional traumas, not only of our own life, but that of our parents and that of their parents ahead of them and so on and so on. So we're, narcissism is on a different spectrum, which includes, and I didn't know this for a long time, but true narcissism is on the rise.

Spectrum in line as psychopaths and sociopaths. So all those serial killers that we hear about, all those people that do really horrible things to children, to other people, there is a serious problem there. And it's not just a personality disorder that it can lead to harm. Because of this lack of remorse and lack of empathy, what makes people, people and not animals, for example.

 I would even say, some animals may have more empathy than some of the people walking around. That is not the same as someone who doesn't believe they have self-worth outside of what role they're playing. You know, if, if I do this and this for my husband, well then he'll, he'll treat me better.

He'll talk to me more if I go outta my way for my family. They'll, they'll send me, you know, a definite Christmas card and they, they won't talk about me at the family reunion the way they talk about everyone else. It's just this giving attitude. And though they both come from an area of lack, I absolutely, wholeheartedly believe there's a difference.

So, for anyone out there that is looking into. Makes them work. Like have they had enough love poured into them from other people? Have they had enough love poured into them from themselves? That fear of, oh my gosh, I must be narcissistic, or I'm probably turning into someone who just always thinks about themselves and doesn't care about others.

I'm here to say that is not the case. You have every right to feel comfortable and loved, and. Period, no questions asked. A lot of my view on that does come from a spiritual aspect in that I believe we are all created for a reason and a purpose. And that purpose is not to be someone else's thing, someone else's option, someone else.

something to occupy their time and make them feel better about themselves. Something, something for someone else. That we have a purpose here on this planet, and it's not to just be used and abused. And so caring about yourself enough so that you have enough love that was not poured into you from other people or not in love poured into you from yourself, that you can work on filling.

Flask that picture with books and podcasts and just reflective time meditation one-on-one time with whatever you believe in. If you believe in something higher than yourself, just knowing that allows you to pour into others. That's what self-love is. It's not obsessing about what other people. You should think.

It's not obsessing about how many comments you have if someone unfriended you on Facebook or Instagram, or if they don't send you a Christmas card this year or your birthday card came late. That's not what it is about. It's extending grace to other people because you know you've been given grace period from others and for yourself.

So, I guess I was a little bit perturbed. I was a little irritated that, you know, this whole self-love thing is all about narcissism and, me, me, me, me. And that's not it. A lot of us feel so disconnected, I believe, from other people that we're looking for false ways to build up, and we're so disconnected sometimes from ourselves that that disconnect continues with our relationships.

and I feel when you have your hands full of something to offer someone else, that is wonderful. But if your hands in the case of a narcissist is are only filled by taking from other people, even though your hands are both in those situations are both open, the giving and taking is night and day. So, if you are on.

Journey cuz I think it is a journey. It may sound a little woo boo or new age, but I think it is a journey. I think life is a journey and experiencing what makes you you, and experiencing what gifts you have, what talents you have, and your worth is a journey. I don't feel the thing you need to have on your back or over your shoulder is, oh, that's a narcissistic kind of viewpoint.

I don't believe that at all. I believe the best gift you have to give is the gift of your. , but not so someone else can have an attention. But because you know that you have that much to give because you were created for so much more. So, thanks for listening to that little soliloquy there, that little monologue.

I just, I saw that and I thought I'm gonna say something about that. Perhaps this is the first show you've listened to or you've listened to several others. I appreciate it so much. It's. Just feels good to see that the word is getting out, and I appreciate your feedback and comments people have given me.

If you find this show valuable, share it. Share it with someone that you care about, I appreciate that as well. At the end of the day, our goal is to continue to spread love and spread light into this world. So, I enjoy hearing feedback also from my email. It's Bettina in the Rising. You can follow me on Instagram.

Or just listen to the next episode. I appreciate that as well. I'll see you guys next Tuesday and let's keep building one another up.